When your child throws things, telling them to STOP never works

When your child throws things, telling them to STOP never works Do this instead and watch how fast they settle Your toddler doesn't get the toy they want, and suddenly it's airborne The cup, the blocks, sometimes flung right at you or a sibling. Your instinct is "we do NOT throw." You said it firmly. And it changes nothing Telling an angry toddler to "stop throwing" is like telling a shaken soda can NOT to fizz The pressure is already there. It has to go somewhere The part of the brain that hits the brakes isn't built yet So the feeling comes, the arm moves, and it's thrown before any thinking happens That big, hard movement is actually their body trying to calm itself But here's the part that matters most The throw is not the real problem. It's a feeling too big for words 1. Frustration that they can't do something 2. Feeling powerless 3. Unheard 4. Completely overwhelmed The throw is the only sentence they have right now So when we jump straight to "stop throwing," we answer the WRONG thing We manage the hand, and miss the feeling underneath it entirely And a feeling that goes unseen doesn't settle. It grows. And it comes back bigger Here's what you can do instead? Help them with the feeling first, right there in the moment 1. Get down low and name what you see: "You're SO frustrated. You really wanted to do it yourself." 2. Then help with the actual thing: "That's so hard. Let's do it together." Being understood is what starts to bring them down Later, when everyone's calm, you build the skills for next time. This is where the REAL change happens 1. Tell them when you feel that big, you can tell me 'I'm mad,' or stomp 2. Start with a breathing game, when there's no big feeling in the room: "Let's do dragon breath. Big breath in... now blow the fire out, as hard as you can. Rooaar." Or "smell the flower, blow out the candle." Make it silly and fun, over and over, until their body knows it by heart Then next time, you don't wait for the throw. You catch the storm early and breathe WITH them: "I can see it building. Let's do our dragon breath together." This is so much bigger than a thrown cup. You're teaching them their big feelings aren't too much They can be understood, breathed through, and given somewhere to go You're raising an adult who can feel anger without exploding or burying it. Most of us were NEVER taught how. Share this with your partner. They need to know this too Follow @mommyandmishti for more neuroscience based insights on your child's behavior