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It's just been a really bad day. I haven't sobbed my heart out the way that heart out this morning for a little while, to be honest. Found out today that Jack's baby stuffs been sold and um, things that I wasn't ready to let go of and I wanted to keep. It's a big of your child's baby things. And if you followed me for a long time, you'll know that I've kind of another child since. And I think I've always held on to his the hope that one day I might get the baby that I've always wanted. Um, I'm really trying not to cry enough today. But um, think it's brought up a load of grief and sadness that I've been suppressing for a long time. I feel like today the lid got lifted on that a little bit. I just feel so sad. I am determined that I will find a way to find the positive in it and spin it around. Everything happens for and I just have to believe that this is for whatever reason, happened for reason. Um, I'm just sad that I didn't get to keep those things a little bit longer.