Post by @baylee.rollo

To any girl watching this: it’s easy to say "I’d never stay in that situation," until it happens to you. You don't even realize you're in an abusive relationship until much later - it genuinely sneaks up on you, and by the time you see it, you're already in too deep. Abusers completely scramble your reality, making you believe you are the root cause. I was with my ex for four years - he cheated every single year. When I got upset about him cheating with other girls, he'd punch walls, throw my keys mid-drive, drag me down the hallway by my shirt collar, busted my lip, and he convinced me my reaction caused it. In Bali, he cheated on me (we were on holiday together alone) I got upset and walked off and he kicked my leg in so hard strangers had to step in and I had a limp - yet somehow, it was still my fault for being upset. It started small: leaving me stranded at 4 AM with a dead phone when I was twenty, miles from home, refusing to even let me call a flatmate. He did this multiple times never ever caring for my safety and always putting me at risk. He would get drunk and have randoms scream at me and follow me for stories he would make up in his head and never apologise for - my friends would even have to argue with him about his behaviour when I was just so broken each time. For years, I excused his cruelty, blaming his grief and his empty promises to change. When you're in it, isolation does the heavy lifting, and you end up lying to protect him. My friend group at the time during this relo were not healthy ideal friendships and I didn't have much support - but let me just say that those who love you will never make you lie or make you feel like you NEED to lie about how they treat you. It got to the point that my dad was nervous each time I'd go out with him not knowing if I was "safe" and the thing is I never told them about anything he did to me but even he could tell. It broke my heart hearing my dad tell me he's happy we split because he then knew that I was safe ... When he finally left, it was hell, but walking away from that nervous-system-wrecking nightmare has been so, so worth it. Ditching the unsupportive crowd and friendships that served nothing for me, whilst leaning on my sister and my real genuine friend group, and also stepping into healthy love with a good friend of six years? I genuinely couldn't of prayed for a better outcome. This is the happiest and most settled I have actually ever felt in my life and it's a crazy feeling. You cannot find that kind of peace while you're busy trying to fix someone who is breaking you. Your happiness is so important, but your safety should always be your priority. 🖤