Yes, Scarlett Johansson.

Yes, Scarlett Johansson. Yes. That's my wife. Yeah, yeah. And my wife is Rihanna. I'm married to the umbrella. Ok, I don't like how hard you guys are laughing. The most famous person in my... Probably the one labeled wife. That's up there. can you imagine Colin a man whose wife makes more money than he can you imagine oh the shame he would feel imagine Colin let me knowing that my wife's income was my own i would die oh oh i would die. How do you guys just keep everything so cute all the time? Oh no. We like each other you know. So I think that's the key ingredient. Everybody has their you know their ups and downs but I think you know at the core if you like the other person and want them to win you know then you're on the right track. I'm extremely proud of her. Yes, it's a wonderful crazy milestone. I think it's like almost incomprehensible but I'm very happy for her. The show is bad, what are they gonna do? Fire my fiance? Oh no, what will we do without his paycheck? Research shows that millions of women leave the workforce due to menopause, which means there's only a couple years left on my gravy train. Zoe Saldaña, who stars in the new Avatar movie, has surpassed Scarlett Johansson to become the highest grossing actress of all time. Well let's see what happens if you include the box office from Scarlett's husband's movies. I'm kidding, honey. I love all of your movies, and if you ask me, you're an even better Black Widow than Coretta Scott King. Who's surviving Jurassic World? Michael Che and Colin Jost. Well, I let me just say this. I'm only going to say Colin because he's from Staten Island. So you know he's had he's a tough guy. For sure, yeah. I totally think so. She's crazy. I know he's he is. It's surprising. He's just got a lot behind that news desk. He's hiding it. No, he seems like he does. And very charming. And very thoughtful and romantic, but I was very-- I was surprised. I mean, even if you kind of imagine what that moment is going to be like it's still, you know, it's a beautiful moment. When someone tells you they want to share the rest of their life with you and that just is a lovely, special thing. I want to thank my wife for enduring lots of jokes and for agreeing to individually meet everyone in this room right after the ceremony. Don't be shy, come right up. She hates privacy. Did you ever find him attractive? I think a very cute guy but I you know at the other times that I was there I was in a relationship and I was not like you know he's cute but you know whatever. And this time the timing was right. It was like he looked differently to me because I was available. It was just the timing has to be right. I want to dedicate this next joke to my boo, Scarlett Johansson. No, oh my god he's so genuinely worried. Hey boo, you all know Scarlett just celebrated her fortieth birthday, which means I'm about to get up out of there. You got married. Congratulations! Thank you very much. You brought a photo of your son. So cute. Can I show it? It's both of us. There's a little of both of us. And the dancing is good. Last time we did joke swap I made Colin do some tasteless jokes comparing your vagina to Costco roast beef. Yes, I remember that. Well, the fact is I was just lashing out because I'm jealous. I've never even seen a human vagina. Are you in trouble with Scarlett? I'm in trouble, I think, with a lot of people. Because I was obviously surprised by everything, but they gave her a heads up. They were like, "Hey, would you be okay if Michael made a little, like, kind of, vagina joke at some point?" And she was like, "Sure! You know, whatever. I'm open to it." And so then, it was like the opposite. I didn't know where it was going. And then, the graphic came up for Arby's. Costco has removed the roast beef sandwich from its menu but I ain't trippin'. I've been eating roast beef every night since my wife had the kids. I'm just playing baby, you know I don't go downtown. What would someone say is your most annoying habit? What would Colin say is your most annoying habit? I'm a little bit compulsive about getting rid of things. Good, that's better than hoarding. I guess I do often throw out some things, his things while he's using them. His things. I throw out his things while he's using them. Sometimes, like, I have to learn my lines. Obviously and I'll run them with him. Which is great 'cause somebody's there to run them with. But he also acts the other person's part out and I don't like that. I really don't like it. I'm like, "just say the lines". Like, "don't give me any line reading". I feel like he played your part like very different than you and it was really annoying. I was like, "stop it, stop like being a -" I don't like that. I just want him to read the lines.