Recovery

After two weeks of lying in a hospital bed, walking was surprisingly difficult. My center of gravity felt wobbly. A slow walk to the cafe around the corner was as far as I could handle in that first week. My job was to rest as much as possible. I’d feed Bunny from the bed. Jalil, his mom and our nanny did all the cooking, cleaning and heavy lifting. I was grateful for our little village as I figured out how to care for a newborn again. She was already a month old. I couldn’t help but feel like I had missed so much of her life already, and the angst of trying to catch time as it was flying by would never leave me. After two weeks alone in a hospital bed, it took some time for the feeling of isolation to melt away. I felt like an observer to my old life. Lots of zoning out, and re-learning what it was to be a mom of two babies. It wasn’t the maternity experience I had dreamed of. After my first pregnancy and labor, I didn’t think it could get any worse… but it did. I’m still grappling with what to take away from this experience… what’s my lesson here. There are regrets, and I usually don’t live with regrets, so that’s something I’m still processing today. But other than these feelings that’ll likely take months or years to work through… im feeling incredibly grateful. I feel so fortunate that Bunny and I came out of this experience healthy and alive. For the medical care I received from the doctors and nurses who became my little hospital family over the holidays. For the help at home. For Jalil’s daily visits and our families who flew in. For Ma, who cooked and cared for us for two months. For the friends who visited or dropped off food. For my team who kept the business running. For my body as it continues to heal and strengthen today. For my little family of four. There’s no pretty bow to wrap up this experience. It was a lot. I’m sure there will be more to take from it. For now, I’m just glad we made it.