the Uber driver picking me up from Heathrow Airport

the Uber driver picking me up from Heathrow Airport was earning £500 a day 15 years ago today he's 63 years old he was an SAP consultant and he was doing really well he had a nice house he lived in a good area they went on family holidays he had a financed car and the children were going to good schools he did everything he believed a good father should do he wanted to give his children the best start he could afford to give them when the time for university came he didn't want his children to take student loans he didn't want them to start their adult life with student loan debts but he also didn't have the cash he couldn't afford to pay their university tuition so he remortgaged his house for him he thought what am I working for if not for the children and the plan worked his first daughter became a doctor and his son became a mechanical engineer they were both successful they were both doing well this is exactly what he wanted then he got older and he couldn't really secure the kind of jobs that he had before he was sending out his CVs was speaking to recruiters he applied for so many roles but nothing changed eventually because he had bills he had to settle for Uber at first it was just doing it temporarily just before something else came along and then one year became two years two years became five years one day he called his daughter melody things are a bit tight at the moment is there any way you can support us a little dad I got my own bills to pay that was what melody said to her father and the truth is melody had her own mortgage she had her own children she had her own responsibilities and she had her own life she was living simply according to the values that she grew up with independence self sufficiency she was trying to build her own household and she had to prioritize herself before her father meanwhile her father grew up with a completely different set of expectations he grew up believing that parents sacrifice for their children and also maybe children would look after their parents as well you spent 30 years raising British children while expecting Nigerian outcomes one day He will become too old to drive He will become too old to walk too old to live independently and melody will sign the paperwork for his dad to go to a care home melody will not hesitate she won't have a moral dilemma as far as melody is concerned she's solving the problem the exact way the society taught her to solve it melody has different values different assumptions different expectations because she didn't choose the values of her father she chose the societal values the values of the society that she grew up in in the uncomfortable thing here is that the man still has options he owns his house he has equity in his house he can sell it tomorrow he can still release some capital he can decide to exit for himself instead of driving Uber till his old age he could create a different ending but will he? or will he continue drifting himself until somebody else chooses the ending for him because you know what somebody always does the children the healthcare system the care home the state somebody always chooses the ending for people that refuse to choose it for themselves your children are not your pension they are not your retirement strategy if your entire old age depends on your employer or your children making sacrifices for you later then maybe what you have built is not security maybe it's dependence that simply hasn't been tested yet the goal was never to leave the goal was never to stay the goal was always to have a choice what choices will your 65 year old self have