TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.

@thebisidavid

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SoundTikTok sound · original sound - thebisidavid

Why it worked

The video uses a relatable and emotionally charged story about parental sacrifice and the potential for unfulfilled expectations in old age, tapping into common anxieties and cultural values.

Summary

The video discusses the common mistake immigrants make by assuming their children will share the same values and provide care in old age. It highlights the story of an elderly Nigerian man who suffered an accident alone, emphasizing the importance of building a life with choices for oneself rather than solely relying on children.

Structure

1Introduction of a clip about Stephen A. Smith's daughter's comment.
2Discussion of the story of Adewale, an 87-year-old man who had an accident alone.
3Analysis of immigrant parents' assumptions about their children's future care.
4Explanation of how children inherit societal values and assumptions.
5The question of whether parents build a life for themselves or rely on their children's sacrifices.
6Concluding thought on the importance of self-reliance in old age.

On-screen text

TAKE A LOOK AT THIS. STEPHEN A. SMITH'S DAUGHTER REALLY TOLD HIM SHE'S PUTTING HIM IN A NURSING HOME YOU SAID YOU'RE STILL GOING UP. WE CAN GO UP TOGETHER. THIS DOESN'T HAVE TO BE A WE THING. I'M OLDER AND I HAVE NOTHING. NURSING HOME. AND TO TAKE CARE CAN'T DO THAT. NURSING HOME. YOU'RE THAT. TWO WORDS, DAD. NURSING HOME. SO YOU'D PUT YOUR NURSING HOME? WOULD I DO? TAKE CARE OF YOU MYSELF. HOW OR PUT ME IN YOUR HOME AND HAVE 24 HOUR NURSING ASSISTANT IN MY HOUSE. YEAH, WHY NOT? WITH MY KIDS IN MY CAR AND MY HUSBAND IN MY POOL IN MY GUEST I'M JUST YOUR DAD. EXACTLY. MADE. THE ONE THE ONE THAT POSSIBLE. DISTANCE, DAD. YOU KNOW I A DISTANCE. A CLIP OF STEVEN HAYES SMITH AND HIS DAUGHTER THE ROUNDS ON SOCIAL MEDIA. IN FACT, TWO PEOPLE SENT IT TO ME YESTERDAY IN HEAT. THEY TALK ABOUT WHAT WOULD HAPPEN OLD LONGER LOOK AFTER HIMSELF. NURSING HOME. 2 WORDS SAID BY LAUGHING ON CAMERA. I DON'T KNOW IF THAT CONVERSATION WAS GENUINE, WHETHER IT WAS SCRIPTED OR IF IT WAS JUST IT DOESN'T MATTER THIS CONVERSATION PLAY OUT IN REAL MANY, MANY TIMES. NOT ON PODCAST, NOT ON TIKTOK. IN PEOPLE'S LIVES. LET ME TELL MAN. CALL HIM ADE WALE. 78 YEARS OLD, HOUSE IN A QUIET ESTATE IN ABEOKUTA. HE WASN'T FRAIL. HE DIDN'T NEED A CARE HOME. HE HAD SOMEONE HIM DAY TO DAY. BUT HIS CHILDREN WERE ALL IN ENGLAND. ONE IS IN CANADA. HIS WIFE MVED BETWEEN THEM. LONDON ONE SEASON, CANADA THE NEXT, HELPING OUT WITH THE GRANDCHILDREN. ONE FATEFUL EVENING, HE WAS IN HIMSELF DINNER, EXPLODED. IT WAS ALONE AT 78, HIMSELF. WE DON'T KNOW WHAT YOUR OWN OLD AGE WILL LOOK LIKE. IT MIGHT LOOK LIKE ADEWALE'S ALONE IN THE KITCHEN, NO CARE HOME NEEDED, JUST DISTANCE AND BAD TIMING. LOOK LIKE STEPHEN SMITH'S DAUGHTER LAUGH SAYING TWO WORDS, NURSING HOME. WE DON'T KNOW, AND THAT'S THE BIGGEST MISTAKES MANY IMMIGRANTS MAKE IS ASSUMING THEIR CHILDREN WILL GROW SAME VALUES THAT THEY DID. NO, THEY WON'T. ARE WICKED, NOT BECAUSE THEY ARE UNGRATEFUL. SIMPLY BECAUSE CHILDREN DON'T JUST INHERIT YOUR SURNAME, THEY INHERIT THE VALUES OF THE SOCIETY THAT RAISES THEM. CHILD GROWING UP MANCHESTER NATURAL LOPS MANCHESTER ACCENT THEY ALSO ABSORB THE ASSUMPTIONS OF THE CULTURE AROUND ABOUT INDEPENDENCE, ABO FAMILY, ABOUT AGING AND ABOUT RESPONSIBILITY ABOUT WHAT CHILDREN OWE THEIR PARENTS. TRADE OFF BEGINS. YOU'RE RAISING CHILDREN IN BRITAIN WHILE EXPECTING NIGERIAN OUTCOME MANY PARENTS DON'T REALIZE UNTIL IT'S TOO LATE. THEY SPEND DECADES SACRIFICING FOR THEIR CHILDREN. THEY PAY SCHOOL FEES, HELPING WITH UNIVERSITY, GIVING THEM EVERY OPPORTUNITY, ALL THE WHILE ASSUMING WHEN I'M OLD, MY CHILDREN WILL ME. MAYBE THEY WILL, WRONG QUESTION. THE REAL QUESTION IS WHAT HAPPENS IF THEY DON'T? A LIFE WHERE YOU STILL HAVE OR DOES YOUR RETIREMENT DEPEND ON YOUR GOVERNMENT OR SACRIFICES FOR YOU? RETIREMENT PLAN. WHETHER THE STEPHEN HAYESMITH CLIP WAS A BANTER OR NOT IS ALMOST IRRELEVANT, BECAUSE ONE DAY THAT CONVERSATION WON HAPPEN ON A IT WILL HAPPEN IN SOMEONE'S FAMILY. HAPPEN IN YOURS. YOU BUILD A LIFE FOR THEM. DID YOU BUILD ONE FOR YOURSELF? BECAUSE AT 78, IN A KITCHEN ALONE, HOW MUCH YOU LOVE THEM. Matter WHO IS IN THE ROOM.

Original caption

Dependency is invisible… until the day it fails. Some people depend on one employer. Some on one government. Some on one passport. Some on their children. The question isn’t whether your children will love you. The question is if your future still work if one day they can’t choose you first?

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Transcript

Take a look at this. Take a look at this. You said you're still going up. We can go up together. This doesn't have to be a we thing. I'm older and I have nothing. Nursing home. And to take care can't do that. Nursing home. You're that. Two words, Dad. Nursing home. So you'd put your nursing home? What would I do? Take care of you myself. How about that? Or put me in your home and have 24 hour nursing assistant in my house. Yeah, why not? With my kids in my car and my husband in my pool in my guest. I'm just your dad. Exactly. Made. The one. The one that possible. Distance, Dad. You know I a distance. A clip of Steven Hayes Smith and his daughter making the rounds on social media. In fact, two people sent it to me yesterday. In heat. They talk about what would happen if he became old, longer look after himself. Nursing home. Two words said by laughing on camera. I don't know if that conversation was genuine, whether it was scripted or if it was just banter. It doesn't matter. This conversation play out in real many, many times. Not on podcast, not on TikTok. In people's lives. Let me tell man. Call him Adewale. 78 years old, living in his house in a quiet estate in Abeokuta. He wasn't frail. He didn't need a care home. He had someone to help him day to day. But his children were all in England. One is in Canada. His wife moved between them. London one season, Canada the next, helping out with the grandchildren. One fateful evening, he was in himself dinner, the gas exploded. It was alone at 78, trying to feed himself. We don't know what your own old age will look like. It might look like Adewale's alone in the kitchen, no care home needed, just distance and bad timing. Look like Stephen Smith's daughter laughing saying two words, nursing home. We don't know, and that's the biggest mistakes many immigrants make is assuming their children will grow up with the same values that they did. No, they won't. Not because they are wicked, not because they are ungrateful. Simply because children don't just inherit your surname, they inherit the values of the society that raises them. Just as a child growing up in Manchester naturally develops Manchester accent, they also absorb the assumptions of the culture around about independence, about family, about aging and about responsibility. About what children owe their parents. That's where the trade off begins. You're raising children in Britain while expecting Nigerian outcomes. Many parents don't realise until it's too late. They spend decades sacrificing for their children. They pay school fees, helping with university, giving them every opportunity, all the while assuming when I'm old, my children will be there for me. Maybe they will, but that's the wrong question. The real question is what happens if they don't? Have you built a life where you still have choices, or does your retirement depend on your government or sacrifices for you? That's not a retirement plan. Whether the Stephen Hayes Smith clip was a banter or not is almost irrelevant, because one day that conversation won't happen on a it will happen in someone's family. It might even happen in yours. You build a life for them. Did you build one for yourself? Because at 78, in a kitchen alone, how much you love them. Matter who is in the room.