Post by @_cookwithchlo_

I’m 33 and i’m not afraid to admit that: 1. The nicest messages I get make me want to disappear. Try to compliment me and I'll be mentally counting all my flaws before you finish your sentence. 2. I still do the thing where I scan a room and clock exactly where I don't fit even at my own family's dinner table. Some nights I wonder if the black sheep thing is actually me, or if I decided it about myself so young that I made it true. 3. People ask me how I balance it all. And the truth is that I don’t. Someone can watch me hit a goal I've worked toward for a year, and by dinner I've already moved on to the one thing that went sideways. 4. I get such a dopamine hit off a new idea that I can't sleep. Then somewhere between the idea and actually doing it, I lose the momentum. Then the shame that follows is realizing maybe I’m just someone who starts things and doesn't finish them. 5. I share my skills without a second thought. My actual life doesn’t make the cut as often because I tell myself “it’s not polished” or “it’s not on-brand” and some part of me is just bracing for it flop (this post included) 6. Even on my best day, there's a part of my brain running a tally of everything I still haven't done. I don't know how to just stop. 7. I learned so young how to not need people and now, when I actually do need someone, I don't know how to ask. I just quietly handle it alone and let people think I'm fine. 8. I was bullied for years, and I thought I'd outgrown it. But I still catch myself in the mirror running their old lines like they're mine. Some mornings I still see a version of myself that a bunch of teenagers decided for me. I don't have any of these figured out. I’m learning and healing, one day at a time, and sharing more of it than I used to. If any of this feels familiar, stick around 🧡