Slightly unethical tricks to win haters over (based in behavioral psychology)

@itsdrlisa

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Why it worked

The video succeeds by framing 'manipulative' psychological tactics as practical, actionable advice for navigating high-stress professional environments, which resonates with viewers dealing with difficult workplace dynamics.

Summary

A medical professional shares psychological tactics for managing difficult coworkers and office politics. She outlines strategies like asking for small favors, assuming good intentions, using the 'yes and' technique, and documenting work to build a paper trail.

Structure

1Introduction to psychological tactics for winning over haters
2The 'Ask for Small Favors' technique and cognitive dissonance
3The 'Polite Dumb' strategy for handling passive-aggressive comments
4The 'Yes And' method for professional communication
5The importance of public acknowledgment and documentation

On-screen text

Slightly unethical tricks to win haters over (based in behavioral psychology) THESE ARE SOME EFFECTIVE, BUT SLIGHTLY UNETHICAL WAYS TO GET SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T ACTUALLY LIKE YOU. NOW, IN GENERAL, I RECOMMEND USING THESE CAREFULLY BECAUSE THEY ARE QUITE MANIPULATIVE AND THEY RELY ON WELL KNOWN STUDIES IN HUMAN PSYCHOLOGY. SO THEY WORK. DO THIS AT YOUR OWN RISK. ASK FOR SMALL FAVOURS. IT'S ACTUALLY SHOWN THAT PEOPLE WHO DO SMALL FAVOURS FOR SOMEONE, EVEN IF IT'S SOMEONE THEY DON'T LIKE, WILL SLOWLY OVER TIME START TO ATTRIBUTE POSITIVE QUALITIES TO THAT PERSON. THIS IS DUE TO COGNITIVE DISSONANCE, WHERE THE BRAIN TRIES TO RECONCILE THE ACT OF DOING FAVOURS FOR SOMEONE AND THE FACT THAT YOU DON'T LIKE THAT PERSON. OVER TIME IT WILL DECIDE I'M A LOGICAL PERSON. LOGICALLY IT MEANS THAT I MUST ACTUALLY LIKE THIS PERSON. IT'S THE SAME REASON THAT VOLUNTEERS IN A STUDY WHO WERE PAID TWO CENTS VERSUS $20 TO DO MENIAL TASKS. THE ONES THAT WERE PAID LESS ACTUALLY REPORTED HIGHER SATISFACTION AND ENJOYMENT FROM DOING THE SAME TASK. THE ONES THAT WERE PAID MORE JUDGE THE TASK TO BE BORING AND MEANINGLESS. SO THE COGNITIVE DISSONANCE OF BEING PAID LESS MEANT THAT THE BRAIN HAD TO DO SOME GYMNASTICS IN ORDER TO JUSTIFY WHY IT WAS WORTH YOUR TIME TO EVEN DO THE TASK TO START WITH. SO IT CONCLUDES I MUST LIKE THE TASK. SO THE SAME LOGIC APPLIES WITH DOING PEOPLE SMALL FAVOURS. FOR EXAMPLE, IF I WANTED TO WIN OVER AN ENEMY, AT WORK, I WOULD ASK THIS PERSON TO PICK UP A COFFEE FOR ME ON THEIR WAY TO THE CAFE, AND I WOULD MAKE SURE TO DO THE SAME FAVOUR BACK, OF COURSE. BUT JUST EVEN ASKING FOR A SMALL FAVOUR LIKE THIS, OR, HEY, COULD YOU PASS ME THE STAPLER OVER THERE, COULD I BORROW, YOUR PEN FOR A SECOND? SMALL THINGS LIKE THIS ACTUALLY MOVE THE NEEDLE QUITE A LOT, ESPECIALLY IF YOU DO THIS CONSISTENTLY OVER TIME. POLITE DUMB AND ASSUME GOOD INTENTIONS NO MATTER WHAT'S BEING SAID, WHETHER IT'S A PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE COMMENT OR BACKHANDED COMPLIMENT. SO, FOR EXAMPLE, IF THEY SAY SOMETHING TO YOU LIKE, OH, THAT OUTFIT'S A BOLD CHOICE FOR THE OFFICE, YOU CAN REPLY, WELL THANK YOU SO MUCH. I'VE BEEN TRYING OUT A NEW STYLE RECENTLY AND I DECIDED TO GIVE THIS A WHIRL. I'M GLAD YOU NOTICED. FOR EXAMPLE, THEY COULD SAY, WOW, YOU LOOK TIRED TODAY. YOU COULD SAY, THANKS SO MUCH FOR YOUR CONCERN. I ACTUALLY HAVEN'T BEEN FEELING WELL, BUT I APPRECIATE THAT YOU CARE ABOUT ME. VERBALLY AGREE WITH EVERYTHING THEY SAY, EVEN WHEN YOU ACTUALLY ARE TRYING TO SAY SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT OR OPPOSITE. BUT START EVERY RESPONSE WITH YES, AGREED, YOU'RE RIGHT. AND THEN MAKE YOUR POINT. THIS IS SOMETHING THAT IS A CLASSIC STRATEGY, IN PEOPLE MANAGEMENT. YOU ALWAYS SAY YES AND AND IT TYPICALLY SUBCONSCIOUSLY GETS THEM ON YOUR SIDE. AND LASTLY, AND THIS IS ESPECIALLY TRUE IN THE WORKPLACE. GIVE THEM LITTLE SHOUT OUTS IN GROUP SETTINGS, WHETHER IT'S EMAIL, TEXT, OR IN PERSON. SAY, HEY, MAYA HAD A GREAT POINT THE OTHER DAY ABOUT THIS. WHAT I WANTED TO ALSO ADD WAS X, Y, Z, KIND OF GIVE THEM A LITTLE BIT OF CREDIT THAT'S EARNED. AND MAKE SURE THAT YOU'RE NOTICING THE GOOD THINGS THAT THEY'RE DOING. PEOPLE LOVE BEING ACKNOWLEDGED AND THIS GOES TO A LOT OF BROWNIE POINTS. IF YOU'RE DEALING WITH PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE REMARKS OR EVEN FRANK SABOTAGE ATTEMPTS AT WORK, YOUR BEST DEFENCE IS ACTUALLY TO DOCUMENT EVERYTHING IN WRITING. SO AFTER A MEETING, IF YOU WERE ASSIGNED A SPECIFIC TASK THAT YOU THINK MIGHT, THEY MIGHT BE TRYING TO SABOTAGE, JUST SEND A FOLLOW UP EMAIL SAYING, HEY, GREAT MEETING. HERE ARE MY NOTES AND TAKEAWAYS. SO AND SO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR XYZ, AND I'M GOING TO DELIVER ON A, B, C. ANY CHANGES OR NOTES ON THIS, PLEASE REPLY. ALL THIS WAY THERE IS A PAPER TRAIL. OR IF THERE'S A CONVERSATION YOU GUYS HAD IN PRIVATE WHERE SOMETHING WAS SAID OR SOMETHING WAS ASKED OF YOU, JUST FOLLOW UP WITH AN EMAIL. EVEN IF IT'S JUST BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU, IF ANYTHING HAS TO BE DISCOVERED LATER IN, LET'S SAY, A LEGAL COMPLAINT, YOU HAVE A VERY SOLID, IRON CLAD PAPER TRAIL. AND IF EVERYTHING IS ABOVE BOARD, THEY SHOULD HAVE NO ISSUES DISCUSSING IT IN WRITING. PERSONALLY, I'M REALLY BAD AT, BEING FAKE NICE TO PEOPLE I ACTUALLY GENERALLY DON'T LIKE. SO, I HAVE A LOT OF TROUBLE WITH THIS PARTICULAR SKILL AT WORK. YES, IT'S WORTH GETTING PEOPLE ON YOUR SIDE BECAUSE, OVERALL, IT'S JUST A NICER WORK ENVIRONMENT WHERE YOU DON'T HAVE ANY PEOPLE GUNNING FOR YOU, WHERE YOU DON'T HAVE A TARGET ON YOUR BACK. SOMETIMES THAT'S COMPLETELY UNAVOIDABLE. BUT THESE ARE THE MOST EFFECTIVE TRICKS TO MAKE THAT HAPPEN.

Original caption

This is specifically a work edition post but these principles work in most situations. Use at your own risk! #hater #charm #coercion #psychologicaltricks #manipulationtactics

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Transcript

These are some effective, but slightly unethical ways to get someone who doesn't actually like you. Now, in general, I recommend using these carefully because they are quite manipulative and they rely on well known studies in human psychology. So they work. Do this at your own risk. Ask for small favours. It's actually shown that people who do small favours for someone, even if it's someone they don't like, will slowly over time start to attribute positive qualities to that person. This is due to cognitive dissonance, where the brain tries to reconcile the act of doing favours for someone and the fact that you don't like that person. Over time it will decide I'm a logical person. Logically it means that I must actually like this person. It's the same reason that volunteers in a study who were paid two cents versus $20 to do menial tasks. The ones that were paid less actually reported higher satisfaction and enjoyment from doing the same task. The ones that were paid more judge the task to be boring and meaningless. So the cognitive dissonance of being paid less meant that the brain had to do some gymnastics in order to justify why it was worth your time to even do the task to start with. So it concludes I must like the task. So the same logic applies with doing people small favours. For example, if I wanted to win over an enemy, at work, I would ask this person to pick up a coffee for me on their way to the cafe, and I would make sure to do the same favour back, of course. But just even asking for a small favour like this, or, hey, could you pass me the stapler over there, could I borrow, your pen for a second? Small things like this actually move the needle quite a lot, especially if you do this consistently over time. Polite dumb and assume good intentions no matter what's being said, whether it's a passive aggressive comment or backhanded compliment. So, for example, if they say something to you like, oh, that outfit's a bold choice for the office, you can reply, well thank you so much. I've been trying out a new style recently and I decided to give this a whirl. I'm glad you noticed. For example, they could say, wow, you look tired today. You could say, thanks so much for your concern. I actually haven't been feeling well, but I appreciate that you care about me. Verbally agree with everything they say, even when you actually are trying to say something completely different or opposite. But start every response with yes, agreed, you're right. And then make your point. This is something that is a classic strategy, in people management. You always say yes and and it typically subconsciously gets them on your side. And lastly, and this is especially true in the workplace. Give them little shout outs in group settings, whether it's email, text, or in person. Say, hey, Maya had a great point the other day about this. What I wanted to also add was X, Y, Z, kind of give them a little bit of credit that's earned. And make sure that you're noticing the good things that they're doing. People love being acknowledged and this goes to a lot of brownie points. If you're dealing with passive aggressive remarks or even frank sabotage attempts at work, your best defence is actually to document everything in writing. So after a meeting, if you were assigned a specific task that you think might, they might be trying to sabotage, just send a follow up email saying, hey, great meeting. Here are my notes and takeaways. So and so is responsible for XYZ, and I'm going to deliver on A, B, C. Any changes or notes on this, please reply. All this way there is a paper trail. Or if there's a conversation you guys had in private where something was said or something was asked of you, just follow up with an email. Even if it's just between the two of you, if anything has to be discovered later in, let's say, a legal complaint, you have a very solid, iron clad paper trail. And if everything is above board, they should have no issues discussing it in writing. Personally, I'm really bad at, being fake nice to people I actually generally don't like. So, I have a lot of trouble with this particular skill at work. Yes, it's worth getting people on your side because, overall, it's just a nicer work environment where you don't have any people gunning for you, where you don't have a target on your back. Sometimes that's completely unavoidable. But these are the most effective tricks to make that happen.