Hello, my name is Owen, and these are my list of lies I refuse to believe.

Hello, my name is Owen, and these are my list of lies I refuse to believe. Starting off, that Helen Keller was real. No, she wasn't. No, she wasn't. It's some lie that was fed to us by the government. There's no way she flew a plane. She wrote a book. She wrote a book? How can she write a book? She can't speak, she can't hear, she can't write. How? She can't even tell someone what to write. So one, that's not a thing. Two, she graduated with honours. No, you didn't. No, you didn't. And if you did, I hate to break it to you. It was a pity graduation. It was a pity honours degree, okay? There's no way you got that. Two, she's piloted a plane. I already said that. No, she can't. And then she was in a movie. No, you weren't. No, you weren't. You sat there, you sat there, you went, and then that was it. And you probably wave the wrong way. I, I shouldn't say that. Two, that Coke Zero is bad for you. If god wanted me to drink water, he would not have made this thing, okay? If you gave me an oasis of Coke Zero, I'm gonna live there. And, yeah, uh, moving on. That the open and close buttons on an elevator work. No, they don't. No, they don't. The amount of times I have seen a person I don't wanna be in an elevator with, come. And I press close, and it doesn't work. I hate it. And the amount of times I've seen someone come in and I do wanna help them, and I press open, and it just looks like I hate their guts. So these buttons aren't connected to anything, and they're just a social experiment? Uh, also that this dress is gold and white. No it's not, it's blue and black. And if you think it isn't, you're wrong. I hate to break it to you. Oh, and lastly, 100 men would beat a gorilla. Okay, anyone that says a gorilla would beat 100 men, you have no faith in human spirit. You have no faith in the human ability to rise against all terror and odds. Okay? The indomitable human spirit is not something to be doubted. Thank you for listening.