STORY TIME: MY KIDS CUT MY HAIR OFF WHILE I WAS ASLEEP

Mash potatoes cold is fucking in the middle. Okay, so boom. So it was experiment Saturday and I already was mad because we didn't have a day old rice. So my sous chef was in there prepping up the vegetables, aka my husband. And I said, you know what? I want to take a nap. One of the random ass kids that y'all call my daughter asked me can she do my hair while I was asleep. So I said, yeah, go get the comb and shit. You know that shit feel good getting your scalp rubbed while you sleep. Mind y'all, I went to sleep with braids, okay? Y'all talking about how I sleep through that. I felt like Sandy when she was in hibernation and I ain't know who the fuck did me dirty, Dan. So boom, anyway, the fan is on, my mouth is open, I'm taking me a real good nap. But this started feeling a little bit too good and then I hear some snickering and shit. What the fuck is funny? Anyways, I wake up, my bonnet on my head, I finish cooking dinner. Everybody whispering and laughing and giggling and shit and looking at me. Like you know how you walk in the room and you feel like somebody talking about you? It was like that. Then one of the kids say, Mama, you looked at your head lately? And then I went and took my bonnet off and I went to scratch my scalp and there was only scalp. I'm talking about when I took my bonnet off, I felt a little bit too much air conditioning in the middle of my motherfucking head. It felt like somebody had licked my shit. So then we do a little video and I see what the fuck was going on and I just couldn't help but laugh because this whole time I'm making dinner, I'm sitting up here scalped with two ponytails not even knowing that I ain't even got my fucking braids no more or no fucking hair. Now I don't know what the fuck I'm gonna do to cover up this bald spot. And yes, before y'all ask, there was consequences, so shut the fuck up.