okay, it is july 26. it has officially been a year since i have not been able to lift normally. um, i always go to record a video like this talking about my health, and i literally just can never finish. i'm praying god gives me the words and the thoughts to complete this video so that i can help somebody else out, maybe give them hope, like, feeling gratitude and also really sad at the same time. so, officially, a year ago, i acquired two hernias. one in the centre of my stomach and one below the belly button. i got surgery in september, and after surgery, my body did not react well to the mesh that was put in to, like, cover the hernia. um, because your immune system is what heals the mesh and puts it into place and what not. and so that set my system into overdrive. and also i went through a really bad breakup, uh, maybe three days after surgery. and so my body went into fight or flight, didn't know how to take care of itself. and i acquired two autoimmune diseases. figured out i had a genetic mutation. um, was not able to gain weight. i was severely underweight. i lost almost all of my progress i've ever had in the gym, muscle wise. um, i lost my confidence. and then also my stomach started looking really weird. it had a lump at the top and a lump at the bottom and i still have it. and nobody could tell me what was wrong. literally nobody. and then i went to the doctor day after easter, and he told me i had a diastasis recti, meaning the tissue in my abdomen is basically, like, separated, so the fascia is sticking out. um, and the only way you can fix it is through a lot of, like, core work, deep core work, um, really focusing on that, or by surgery. and it has been a long road. it looks better, it feels a little bit better. i'm able to manage. i've gotten a lot of my confidence back. um, but it is still. it hurts every single day. and i, um, acquired the hernias again, so i have to get the surgery again. and i'm really scared because what if it happens again? i do not want to go through what i had to go through for six, seven months. god's got me. he's got me through this whole thing. um, the autoimmune diseases are in remission, so there's a praise out of it. and i just don't want them to come back. at least i won't be going through a breakup through this one cause i'm single. hey, been single for almost a year. let's go chat. um, i've learned a lot. i've learned a lot about myself. i've grown so, so much throughout this whole process. and there's a bigger reason behind all of this. and i wanna tell my story, but there's just like no words because through the six months, a lot happened. and i wanna get into that for you guys, but i can't right now. and i feel like my story is not over yet because i still have another surgery to go and i'm just finally making progress. i, like, low key don't even wanna get the surgery, but i still am not able to lift how i used to. to, i grieve my old self, but i'm a different person now, so there's things i shouldn't grieve. I think I just. just in pain all the time. but the surgery will help. i'm just scared that i'm gonna go through the same thing that i went through. but i have to put my trust in the lord and realise that he's got me because he's gotten me through this whole entire thing. i gave my life to christ, rededicated my life to christ. may 1st of this year. surrendered my health to him. it's all on him. I am scared. i'm gonna be honest and that. that's. i'm human. i'm gonna be scared. but i do know god has me and i know he's right by my side. he is the healer. he is the miracle worker. we've seen him work miracles and we could see him do it again because he's freaking amazing. and that's my dad right there. and i'm his daughter. and he loves me unconditionally, and i love him unconditionally. he's got me. can't wait to look back at this video and be like, yo, what were you tripping about? god's always had you. and i know that it's hard right now. it's hard. i'm just a girl and i live alone, and i, oh, we're not getting into this. my thoughts are loud sometimes. chat. oh. anyways, yeah, i love you guys, and i can't wait to talk about this one day.
