if you can't get out of it...

if you can't get out of it... get into it Eggs On Monday if you can't get out of it, get into it on how to stop making yourself miserable Eggs on Monday SARAHPALFIERI.SUBSTACK.COM Just in case no one has told you: life isn't supposed to be miserable. And you're the only one who can do anything about it. Granted, there are some things in life that no amount of optimism or dress up can make better: the loss of a loved one, violence, sickness, poverty, war, grief. But the vast majority of life can be improved simply by how you choose to show up. I promise that life doesn't have to be as hard as you're making it. There seems to be this underlying idea that complaining and being "too cool for school" is chic (whatever chic even means). That the more you hate your life, the more you'll fit in. What a horrible way to approach life! Countless studies show that optimism is linked to well-being and longevity, with significant decreases in heart issues. Doesn't seem so naive after all, does it? At this point, you might be thinking to yourself: Okay stranger on Substack, but you don't know what my life is like right now. I'm lonely and don't have any friends in the city I moved to. I hate my job and my boss is the worst. I can't find a partner and life is expensive and I don't really have anything that I'm good at. I hear you (and by that I mean I've heard it before). I sympathize. But I also think you're wasting your life and making yourself miserable. Here's an easy first step... start by asking yourself this question: How would this look if I was having fun? Set an alarm or put a sticky note on your computer or say it to yourself every morning after you brush your teeth. Run every decision through that filter and watch your life change. Here are five practical examples: 1. On a recent flight, I made an award ribbon that said "best flight attendant" I struck up a conversation with a flight attendant who had been working for Delta for 35 years, and decided to give it to her. I was sure she'd think it was weird. Instead, she almost cried, wore it for the rest of the flight, and even sent a picture to her daughter. Get into it: The most mundane activities, like a long haul flight, get more fun when you go out of your way to make someone else smile. 2. Like most couples, sometimes my husband and I struggle to articulate what we need to feel most loved. So we each wrote down 30 ideas, folded them up on little pieces of paper, and put them in a jar. Now we randomly pull one and surprise the other person with it. Some are free (a poem or back massage), and some are not (dinner out, a gift, a weekend away, etc). Get into it: Don't wait for your partner to guess or expect them to read your mind. Tell them how you want to be loved! 3. I had to give a presentation at work recently, and could already picture the glazed eyes watching yet another PowerPoint slideshow. So, I added memes and gifs into mine that made everyone laugh and engage. I got more compliments on that presentation than any other! Get into it: You don't have to take things quite so seriously to be taken seriously. 4. Last week I had a day full of back-to-back meetings. Normally this would fill me with existential dread as I stare out my office window in between calls. Instead, I drove to my favorite local coffee shop and got an iced latte with blueberry cold foam. In between calls I talked with the barista I know about jean sizes and how Old Navy always makes me feel skinny. I got to pet a dog that came in. I listened to Noah Kahan's new album on the drive. Get into it: You can't always control your schedule, but you can control how and where you do it. 5. I keep a "joy note" in my phone and I have a "joy journal" in my Paper Republic pocket notebook. Every time something makes me deep belly laugh or smile unexpectedly, I jot it down. Here are some recent entries: Dragon fruit sorbet. My new set of nails. The way my cat sneezed. The praying mantis that has moved into my Gerbera Daisy. My favorite table being open on a Friday morning at the cafe. Get into it: In life you'll find what you're looking for. So, start looking for the joy. None of this is complicated. It doesn't require you to move to a new city, find a new job, or have a partner. It's about choosing to get into it, right here and right now. With award ribbons presented to strangers. At the corner table in the local coffee shop. With a game to tell your partner exactly how you want to be loved in this season. With a meme and joy journal and banger of a Spotify playlist. The reality is, you won't always be able to get out of it. Maybe you can't quit your job because money is tight. Maybe you can't get out of the work trip or control the number of meetings on your schedule. Maybe you can't move because you're a caretaker for a family member. So, go ahead and get into it. Start by asking yourself: what would be the most fun way to do this? xoxo, SP Subscribe to my Substack for free - link is in my bio or search: Eggs On Monday