a practical guide on how to figure out who you are

a practical guide on how to figure out who you are Eggs On Monday 12:04 SARAHPALFIERI.SUBSTACK.COM "I am out with lanterns looking for myself" on sending out a search party for yourself SARAH ALFIERI SEP 12, 2026 I am out with lanterns looking for myself Perhaps one of the best feelings in the world is when someone says to you, "this is so you!" or "this made me think of you." It makes you feel known and seen. This idea that your existence can be associated with things and evoke familiarity for people makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Literally a chef's kiss moment! I've found that as we get older it can become harder to know what makes you, well, you. There's less space and free time for exploration or risk or play. I want the people around me to know me deeply, but I want to know myself even better. The reward of knowing yourself, as you are right now, is being able to curate a meaningful life. Which is kind of the point of it all... isn't it? I wrote this for the person feeling a bit lost, like they are wandering aimlessly toward a dream they don't even quite remember. I wrote this for the person feeling purposeless and convinced that they don't have anything they are good at. I wrote this for the person who can't remember the last time they had the chance to play or adventure just for the sake of it, or just for themselves. Grab your lantern and send out the search party, we're off to find all the best parts of you! Here are 7 practical ways to figure out who you are, right now: 1. What do you say yes to without hesitation? Notice if there are certain people, places, or activities that are an easy and emphatic "yes" for you and lean into those as often as you can. For me this is any local coffee shop, stationery store, long walk, or an invite that starts with the words "happy hour". 2. Write down a list of things that make you jealous. Jealousy gets a bad rap, but it's actually one of the most helpful emotions to teach us what we desire. Start a note in your phone or journal and jot down when you feel jealous of something. As you look at that list, ask yourself why you don't believe you can have those things. What would need to change to get it? 3. Plan out your ideal solo day + schedule a time to do it this month. We're keeping it local and realistic - no plane tickets allowed. If you had one free day in your city completely solo, how would you spend it? Be specific! What coffee do you drink and where? Do you take a nap? Do you go to a book store or park or workout class? Mapping out (and actually doing) your ideal solo day can surface your passions that get buried when other people's preferences and needs get thrown in the mix. 4. Try the hobbies that you loved as a kid. The older I get, the more I realize that 11-year-old me was onto something. When I was a kid I loved horse back riding, coloring, roller blading, and writing. Guess what? Those hobbies still bring me so much joy! You don't have to reinvent the wheel, just take a trip down memory lane and start there. 5. Hone in on the content that makes you curious! We all consume endless amounts of content each day, but only certain pieces will make you pause. They'll make you curious or hopeful or excited. Why? Save those and look back to see if you can find common themes or interests throughout them. Most of my saved content right now looks like leather journals and fountain pens (go figure) and Thailand content for an upcoming trip (eeek). 6. What does your home say about you? The things we chose to decorate our home with usually aren't an accident. And no, you don't have to have a huge budget or luxury items. What colors or patterns do you gravitate to? What textures do you like on pillows and blankets? Do you have endless plants and fresh flowers around or are you more of a minimalist? Most rooms in my house are littered with books that have cracked spines and handwritten notes in the margin. Our fridge is covered in magnets from around the world. I have coasters made out of dominoes as an ode to our household love for games. And our kitchen table even converts into a board game table. Our home is practical and unique and my favorite compliment is when someone says that our house looks like we've lived a thousand lives. 7. What do the people who love you say about you? Don't listen to just anyone, but what do the people you love say about you? What reminds them of you? Maybe disco balls or a certain coffee shop or candle scent or country. What do they compliment you on? What do they call you for? Sometimes the people around us can see us clearer than we can see ourselves, so pay attention to what they see and say. What's your lantern shining light on? Maybe a jealousy worth interrogating, a coffee or cocktail order you fell in love with, or a secret skill you never knew you had? I don't think we ever call the search party off for ourselves. I guess in my mind it's more like a scavenger hunt. An ongoing journey of chasing down pieces of ourselves. It's like turning on the lights instead of fumbling about in the dark. Rumor has it that Emily Dickinson is still out with lanterns, looking for herself. My hope is that I'm always curious enough about myself to go out looking too. You're not lost. You're not purposeless. You're not boring. You've just been in the dark. Grab the lantern and get out the door. You're worth looking for! xoxo, SP Subscribe to my Substack for free - link is in my bio or search: Eggs On Monday