The Tom Silvagni case is resonating with men

why is it that you feel the need to shut down women speaking out against rape? aren't confused about the Tom Silvano case this is Darvo at scale deny attack reverse victim offender I've spoken about how Darvo happens not just in individual relationships which is where the term is usually used but also culturally and socially at scale so when survivors speak out about things like grape things like digital grape things like grape by deceit especially when it comes to powerful or socially protected men such as this one the response is not curiosity okay it's like shut her down discredit her so firstly deny the harm there's no proof it didn't happen it's not that bad they were friends like who why would you believe her deny it happened secondly attack it happened secondly attack attack her like she's not a reliable narrator she wasn't wearing the right thing why didn't she report it soon like we've all we've had a million reasons um that's the attack part so attack who she is as a person um to discredit her and make her seem like she cannot be trusted she's the one who cannot be trusted and then they reverse okay so this is where you see the headline saying his life is ruined he was the star football player he's this what about him this is not about justice or truth this is about protecting male power and the reason that we're seeing Darren at scale for this particular case I think it's because the tape the case is not textbook and what I mean by textbook is it's not the type of assault that we are told as a society um is the type that actually matters so because it's digital grape um it was a known person um and it happened in like a home and in that domestic sphere and um it was also great by deceit what that means is that many men will see themselves in the perpetrator that's why it's so powerful to victim survivors as well because we've all had a parallel experience to that um where it feels like something that is a complete entitlement um completely taken advantage of but we're not quite sure if it counts because it doesn't necessarily fit into a black and white definition same with uh white's powerful for men why this case is resonating with men it's because they might see themselves um in the perpetrator because they might have done very similar things um or done things in a similar way whether it's lying um deceiving someone to get what they want or taking advantage of a close relationship um taking things too far um digitally or otherwise things like that they might see themselves or aspects of themselves in aspects of this particular case why they're getting defensive and going for the Darvo like don't be thinking that men are confused um about what's happening and not understanding the case I think they actually understand it too well so important that we name these things I'm Doctor Zoe I like to make feminism accessible for everyone and unpack Australian feminism publicly stay safe out there