The funniest part about being a millennial in 2026 is that I think we'd all love to go back to simpler times.

The funniest part about being a millennial in 2026 is that I think we'd all love to go back to simpler times, because, like, these days, like, the expectations are just hilarious. Like, you're supposed to have like four income streams. You're supposed to spend less than 30% of your income on housing while investing 15% into your 401k while making your student loans just kind of like disappear. And don't you dare order avocado toast or get coffee from outside the house. Meanwhile, you're expected to eat your body weight in protein while intermittent fasting and drinking a gallon of water each day. You gotta make sure your kids are basically doing the same thing while also training them to be professors, professional musicians, and athletes all before the age of 10. While you see your friends in person a few times a month and limit your screen time to one hour each day. You're supposed to attend every wedding even if it requires like a flight and a hotel. And don't forget to call your parents on, you know, like, every Sunday. And then each day should generally include, like a 20 minute walk during your work day, 10 minutes of meditation, 45 minutes of like high cardio, 30 minutes of reading before bed so you can get eight hours of, like, deep sleep. Then you gotta stay current on geopolitics, keep up with every new A.I. tool that's been created in the last 60 days. And somewhere between all of this, you're supposed to be, like, present, happy and fulfilled.