I Grew Up In A Family Where Holidays Weren't Special

I'm having a really hard time today because like I grew up in a family where like holidays or birthdays like weren't special and so now in my adult life like holidays are like a really big deal for me and like birthdays are a really big deal for me and so I had all these plans for like the 4th of July weekend and long story short the plans aren't happening anymore and it's really not that big of a deal like it's fine but it just feels like a big deal like I get so upset by it and I just don't know a way to calm myself down or like fix the disappointment that I'm feeling like sitting in my car outside of the thrift store crying because I was like okay maybe if I get out of the house and I just go do something then I'll stop crying but then now I can't stop crying and I'm in public so it's freaking worse this is how my long weekend is starting and I'm just like so frustrated like I have such a hard time when like I have a plan and things don't go to plan or people make changes to the plan it's just like really hard for me I want everything to like be right and go right and