hey DM

hey DM I have that warlock character ready for the new campaign yeah, great! yeah, here you go oh an actual paper that's... kind of old school I kind of have to you'll see why how come under the patron section it just says "my parents" yes, so that's gonna be Louis and Edward and I figured they could live somewhere kind of east of the starting town dude you can't have your warlock patron be your parents what? no do you... you do know how marriage works right? I mean based on Louis and Edward I can say for sure that I know how it DOESN'T work okay well are they like archfey or something no, they're bankers bankers? so they don't have any powers they have each other's power of attorney... that's not an actual power I mean like in a fantasy world how are they giving you your magic and stuff? can't we just say genetics? I mean technically that'd make you a sorcerer and not a warlock well that's just semantics that's the rules if you're a warlock you're supposed to be eternally tied to a contract or something that binds your soul to servitude until either you or your patron dies okay now see THAT sounds like the type of marriage that I know dear god you need therapy we can just say that they give me my magic in exchange for me doing tasks for them whenever they call me up and ask is that what you want? yes, okay, thank you- ...like mowing the lawn and stuff wait wait you're just describing an allowance now isn't that just what a warlock is anyway? you don't even have a lawn mower dude this is high fantasy we have dragons not John Deere ...but my parents were the ones who made the mistake of giving me access to Hallucinatory Terrain so as far as they're concerned I invented a multi-bladed scythe-wagon that gives them those perfectly crisp diagonal lines every time ...$% that's kind of genius yeah right? yeah, okay, um... just don't let the rest of the party know, okay? let them find out on their own and what does this have to do with you handwriting your character sheet on actual paper? my patrons took away my internet after they caught me sneaking out to a tavern after hours last week dude, you're like 26 also are we still talking about the game here? yeah the game totally