For my Real ones ONLY

@dandanzhudg

227.1K followers · usually 3.8K views a post

Views

43.5K

Likes

3.8K

Comments

403

180

Why it worked

The video likely resonated with viewers by sharing a deeply personal and relatable experience of dealing with parental trauma and its long-term effects. The creator's vulnerability and the raw honesty of her story created a strong emotional connection, encouraging engagement and shares.

Summary

The creator discusses the impact of her mother's verbally abusive parenting style, which she inherited as a coping mechanism. She contrasts this with her husband's nurturing upbringing and explains how understanding parental trauma can lead to personal growth and empathy.

Structure

1Introduction to the topic of dealing with difficult parents.
2Personal anecdote about mother's verbal abuse and the creator's coping mechanism.
3Comparison with husband's nurturing upbringing.
4Explanation of how parental trauma affects behavior and outcomes.
5Advice on empathy and self-preservation when dealing with imperfect parents.
6Concluding thought on finding supportive relationships.

On-screen text

For my Real ones ONLY THE CLOSEST PEOPLE I'M TALKING YOUR FOR INSTANCE. LIKE MY MOM, WHEN I GOT THIS BELL'S PALSY, HALE OF MY FACE WENT PARALYZED. THE FIRST THING TO ME WAS, YOU LOOK RETARDED. HOW ARE YOU GOING TO MAKE ANY MORE VIDEOS AS A CONTENT CREATOR? GONNA MAKE ANY MORE VIDEOS LOOKING RETARDED LIKE THAT? THAT'S THE FIRST TO ME. AND BECAUSE I'M BEING VERBALLY ABUSED BY MY MOTHER, I LAUGHED, BECAUSE THAT'S HOW I DEAL WITH EVERY SINGLE VERBAL ABUSE ME SINCE I WAS A CHILD. IT'S A REFLECTIVE RESPONSE THAT MY RESPONSE THAT MY PASSED IT DOWN ON ME. SO WE JUST LAUGH WHEN SHE CALLS US THE MEANEST THINGS OUT OF THE BOOK. THE MINUTE MY HUSBAND HEARD ME LAUGHING, MY MOM SAID IT IN CHINESE. MY HUSBAND LOOKED HE SAID, WHAT IS SHE JUST SAY? I SAID, MY MOTHER JUST CALLED ME RETARDED. LOOK RETARDED, WHICH I DO. AND MY HUSBAND WAS LIKE, THAT'S NOT OKAY. COMES FROM A VERY DIFFERENT TYPE HIS MOTHER IS EXTREMELY NURTURING AND CARING. AND OF COURSE, I'M NOT COMPARING MOTHERS, BECAUSE THE CHILDREN'S OUTCOMES ARE DIFFERENT. I'M FINANCIALLY VERY BECAUSE THE WAY MY MOTHER RAISED ME WAS TO PUT ALL OF MY VALIDATION IN ACHIEVEMENT. THAT WAS HER GOAL, AND SHE ACHIEVED HER GOAL. HER GOAL TO RAISE A CHILD WAS TO MAKE WAS FINANCIALLY INDEPENDENT. ALONG THE WAY, SHE HURT ME MENTALLY AND I'M STILL EVEN IN MY LATE 30S. THE MENTAL PROBLEMS HAVING A VERY ABUSIVE MOTHER. AND IN THAT MOMENT THERE'S THIS EMOTIONAL WHIPLASH THAT'S HAPPENING IF YOU HAVE IMMATURE ABUSIVE PARENTS, YOU WILL KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. THIS WHIPLASH WHERE ONE MINUTE THEY'RE LIKE REALLY SUPPORTIVE AND TRYNA GET YOU THESE THINGS. MINUTE THEY'RE ABUSIVE AND YELLING AND SCREAMING, CALLING YOU ALL THE BOOK. AND THAT'S UNFORTUNATELY WHAT HAPPENS TO HIGH ACHIEVING PEOPLE. THEY COME FROM THESE REALLY MESSED UP FAMILIES. AND SO AS KINDA HAVE TO OF THIS. AND THAT'S WHY I'M SO GRATEFUL TO TELL YOU THAT NO MATTER WHAT TYPE OF PARENT YOU HAVE, THERE IS A UNDERSTANDING THAT YOU HAVE TO COME TO. OF PEOPLE DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS UNLESS YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH IT. LATE 30S, I KNOW THIS SO WELL. MY MOTHER LOVES ME. AND I KNOW THAT SHE IS VERY INCAPACITATED DUE TO HER OWN PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AND THE TRAUMAS DEALT WITH IN HER LIFE THE WAY SHE IS. THAT MAKES HER LASH OUT AND ACT THE WAY SHE ACTS OUT. BUT WHAT WE OUR LIFETIME AS CHILDREN OF THAT AS OFFSPRING OF THAT TYPE OF PERSON, IS THAT WE IN THEIR HUMANITY, TOO. THREE DAYS LATER, MY MOM AGAIN. SHE'S NOW CALMED DOWN. SHE'S NOW CARING. SHE'S NOW WORRIED ABOUT ME. TO SHOW ME A DIFFERENT SIDE. SO YOU HAVE YOUR PARENTS ARE PEOPLE, TOO, AND THEY'RE NOT PERFECT. AND I HAVE SO MUCH INNER WORK TO UNDERSTAND THAT, THAT SHE'S NOT JUST WHAT PEOPLE SAY TODAY A NARCISSIST. SHE'S THE WORST. PEOPLE HAVE MULTIPLE FACETS TO THEM. NOBODY IS PERFECT. AS A PARENT, YOU'RE NOT GONNA BE PERFECT EITHER. UP YOUR KIDS IN WAYS THAT RESENT YOU AS WELL. IT'S JUST GONNA BE DIFFERENT. THAT'S HOW GENERATIONS WORK. SO ALL YOU CAN DO IS YOU CAN TO EMPATHIZE WITH OTHER PEOPLE, BE THE BIGGER PERSON. NOT BECAUSE TO WIN ANY AWARDS. FOR YOUR OWN PERSONAL SAFETY AND PEACE. AND FOR GOD'S SAKE, FIND A MAN WHO IS A RIDE OR DIE AND STAND BY YOUR SIDE. THAT NUMBER ONE THING YOU LOOK FOR. NOT MATERIAL GOODS, NOT WHAT KIND OF STUPID ASS CAR HE DRIVES, OF CLOTHES DOES HE WEAR, NOT WHAT HE BUYS YOU ON THE FIRST DATE. SHIT MATTERS WHEN LIFE HITS. FOR IS A TRUE RIDE OR DIE. HOW CRAZY MY MOTHER IS, OR DIE. AND I JUST HAVE TO TELL YOU BECAUSE I KNOW SOMEBODY'S OUT THERE WHO IS GOING THROUGH IT RIGHT NOW WHO DOESN'T UNDERSTAND WHY THEIR PARENTS ARE SO VERBALLY OR PHYSICALLY LASHING OUT. TO UNDERSTAND. JUST NOT ALL THERE. THEY'RE NOT ALL AND YOU CANNOT EXPECT THEM TO BE A PERFECT THEY'RE NOT. AND ONCE YOU CAN COME TO REALLY, TRULY ACCEPT THAT, YOU CAN MOVE FORWARD WITH MORE STRENGTH AND UNDERSTANDING AND POWER THROUGH IN YOUR OWN LIFE.

Original caption

I’m not making excuses. I’m teaching you how I move forward through trauma and tough times. I’m showing you an alternative way to deal with the issues and problematic people in your life. #mindset #happiness #parents #pain #resilience

More from @dandanzhudg

Their other posts in the index, biggest breakout first.

Transcript

THE CLOSEST PEOPLE I'M TALKING YOUR FOR INSTANCE. LIKE MY MOM, WHEN I GOT THIS BELL'S PALSY, HALE OF MY FACE WENT PARALYZED. THE FIRST THING TO ME WAS, YOU LOOK RETARDED. HOW ARE YOU GOING TO MAKE ANY MORE VIDEOS AS A CONTENT CREATOR? GONNA MAKE ANY MORE VIDEOS LOOKING RETARDED LIKE THAT? THAT'S THE FIRST TO ME. AND BECAUSE I'M BEING VERBALLY ABUSED BY MY MOTHER, I LAUGHED, BECAUSE THAT'S HOW I DEAL WITH EVERY SINGLE VERBAL ABUSE ME SINCE I WAS A CHILD. IT'S A REFLECTIVE RESPONSE THAT MY RESPONSE THAT MY PASSED IT DOWN ON ME. SO WE JUST LAUGH WHEN SHE CALLS US THE MEANEST THINGS OUT OF THE BOOK. THE MINUTE MY HUSBAND HEARD ME LAUGHING, MY MOM SAID IT IN CHINESE. MY HUSBAND LOOKED HE SAID, WHAT IS SHE JUST SAY? I SAID, MY MOTHER JUST CALLED ME RETARDED. LOOK RETARDED, WHICH I DO. AND MY HUSBAND WAS LIKE, THAT'S NOT OKAY. COMES FROM A VERY DIFFERENT TYPE HIS MOTHER IS EXTREMELY NURTURING AND CARING. AND OF COURSE, I'M NOT COMPARING MOTHERS, BECAUSE THE CHILDREN'S OUTCOMES ARE DIFFERENT. I'M FINANCIALLY VERY BECAUSE THE WAY MY MOTHER RAISED ME WAS TO PUT ALL OF MY VALIDATION IN ACHIEVEMENT. THAT WAS HER GOAL, AND SHE ACHIEVED HER GOAL. HER GOAL TO RAISE A CHILD WAS TO MAKE WAS FINANCIALLY INDEPENDENT. ALONG THE WAY, SHE HURT ME MENTALLY AND I'M STILL EVEN IN MY LATE 30S. THE MENTAL PROBLEMS HAVING A VERY ABUSIVE MOTHER. AND IN THAT MOMENT THERE'S THIS EMOTIONAL WHIPLASH THAT'S HAPPENING IF YOU HAVE IMMATURE ABUSIVE PARENTS, YOU WILL KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. THIS WHIPLASH WHERE ONE MINUTE THEY'RE LIKE REALLY SUPPORTIVE AND TRYNA GET YOU THESE THINGS. MINUTE THEY'RE ABUSIVE AND YELLING AND SCREAMING, CALLING YOU ALL THE BOOK. AND THAT'S UNFORTUNATELY WHAT HAPPENS TO HIGH ACHIEVING PEOPLE. THEY COME FROM THESE REALLY MESSED UP FAMILIES. AND SO AS KINDA HAVE TO OF THIS. AND THAT'S WHY I'M SO GRATEFUL TO TELL YOU THAT NO MATTER WHAT TYPE OF PARENT YOU HAVE, THERE IS A UNDERSTANDING THAT YOU HAVE TO COME TO. OF PEOPLE DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS UNLESS YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH IT. LATE 30S, I KNOW THIS SO WELL. MY MOTHER LOVES ME. AND I KNOW THAT SHE IS VERY INCAPACITATED DUE TO HER OWN PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AND THE TRAUMAS DEALT WITH IN HER LIFE THE WAY SHE IS. THAT MAKES HER LASH OUT AND ACT THE WAY SHE ACTS OUT. BUT WHAT WE OUR LIFETIME AS CHILDREN OF THAT AS OFFSPRING OF THAT TYPE OF PERSON, IS THAT WE IN THEIR HUMANITY, TOO. THREE DAYS LATER, MY MOM AGAIN. SHE'S NOW CALMED DOWN. SHE'S NOW CARING. SHE'S NOW WORRIED ABOUT ME. TO SHOW ME A DIFFERENT SIDE. SO YOU HAVE YOUR PARENTS ARE PEOPLE, TOO, AND THEY'RE NOT PERFECT. AND I HAVE SO MUCH INNER WORK TO UNDERSTAND THAT, THAT SHE'S NOT JUST WHAT PEOPLE SAY TODAY A NARCISSIST. SHE'S THE WORST. PEOPLE HAVE MULTIPLE FACETS TO THEM. NOBODY IS PERFECT. AS A PARENT, YOU'RE NOT GONNA BE PERFECT EITHER. UP YOUR KIDS IN WAYS THAT RESENT YOU AS WELL. IT'S JUST GONNA BE DIFFERENT. THAT'S HOW GENERATIONS WORK. SO ALL YOU CAN DO IS YOU CAN TO EMPATHIZE WITH OTHER PEOPLE, BE THE BIGGER PERSON. NOT BECAUSE TO WIN ANY AWARDS. FOR YOUR OWN PERSONAL SAFETY AND PEACE. AND FOR GOD'S SAKE, FIND A MAN WHO IS A RIDE OR DIE AND STAND BY YOUR SIDE. THAT NUMBER ONE THING YOU LOOK FOR. NOT MATERIAL GOODS, NOT WHAT KIND OF STUPID ASS CAR HE DRIVES, OF CLOTHES DOES HE WEAR, NOT WHAT HE BUYS YOU ON THE FIRST DATE. SHIT MATTERS WHEN LIFE HITS. FOR IS A TRUE RIDE OR DIE. HOW CRAZY MY MOTHER IS, OR DIE. AND I JUST HAVE TO TELL YOU BECAUSE I KNOW SOMEBODY'S OUT THERE WHO IS GOING THROUGH IT RIGHT NOW WHO DOESN'T UNDERSTAND WHY THEIR PARENTS ARE SO VERBALLY OR PHYSICALLY LASHING OUT. TO UNDERSTAND. JUST NOT ALL THERE. THEY'RE NOT ALL AND YOU CANNOT EXPECT THEM TO BE A PERFECT THEY'RE NOT. AND ONCE YOU CAN COME TO REALLY, TRULY ACCEPT THAT, YOU CAN MOVE FORWARD WITH MORE STRENGTH AND UNDERSTANDING AND POWER THROUGH IN YOUR OWN LIFE.