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When I was 21 years old, I was admitted into a psychiatric facility for thoughts of wanting to hurt my child and wanting to hurt myself. I remember I had gone into my doctor's office one day and I had told her, hey, I'm having some anxiety. I'm having some symptoms of depression. At the time, I was super young, honestly had never dealt with depression before. She prescribed me some medication. Fine. Wasn't working. Oh, okay. For a few weeks. And then all of a sudden, I felt so much fucking worse and so routine. I went back, I let her know, she up my dose. Didn't fucking work. Went in a few weeks later, which whatever medication I was on to, I think at the time was all off. Same thing was okay for a few weeks. I thought I was in the clear. Out of fucking nowhere, I start having intrusive thoughts. Like horrific intrusive thoughts of hurting myself, of hurting my daughter, who at the time was two. And I go back to her and I'm like, hey, I. You know, I don't think this is working. I'm having worse thoughts. I'm actually feeling more anxious than ever. I had voiced to her what. What was happening. Instead of stopping the medication, they doubled it. I went from 50 mg to 100 mg of Seroquel. The impact that had was almost immediate. I remember waking up one morning, I think it had been like a couple of weeks of taking it. And I woke up and I was like, I'm. I think I'm going to hurt myself. And it was just like that. It was just like that. It wasn't, you know, I'm so depressed, I wanna die. It was like, I think I'm gonna hurt myself. I didn't have a reason. I didn't have a desire. It's just this thought that popped into my head, and I was like, oh, shit. And I. And my brain was scanning for. For things I could do. Like, it was, you know, the antidepressant bottles right there. I could take the whole thing right now, or, you know, there's kitchen knives done. And it was. It was looking for out. And I was having thoughts about my daughter as well. And I remember thinking like, this is not. This is not right. This is not right. This is not me. You know, I told my mom, I'm like, I don't think I'm okay. I don't think I'm okay. I need help. And no one. No one was listening. My family is very, very taboo about mental health, whatever. At the time, they just. They thought I was anxious and I needed to relax and I needed to pray. The only thing that saved me was that my ex mother in law saw the state I was in, took me in, made phone calls, and there was push back. She called a psychiatric facility. She was like, I have someone who's not okay, she's having violent thoughts. I need you to admit her. And they fought it. They fucking fought it. And you know what actually got them to admit me was the fact that I had expressed that I wanted to hurt myself. I had told them I was like, I'm afraid I'm gonna hurt other people. I'm gonna hurt my family, whatever. No, what did it was I had told them, I think I'm going to hurt myself. They let me in and I stayed there for five days. And I was a shell of a person. When I came out, I weaned myself off medication. I had to rebuild from scratch what that medication took away from me. And it was the most horrific fucking thing that I ever experienced in my whole goddamn life. And I've had multiple women express similar situations. And so when I'm reading this case, and I'm reading everyone's opinions on this and what she could have done better, all I'm thinking about is me. Cause I would have been me if I didn't have someone that advocated for me like their life depended on it. They cared so much about my well being that they made sure I got help. That is the only difference. She believed what I was telling her, and she made sure that someone believed me, too. So I'm reading these comments from people who are judging her saying she should have done better. She. She didn't have to do what she did. And I am envious cause you will never fucking know. If you're lucky, you will never have to know what that's like. To have to fight your own mind and convince yourself that you don't want to do something like that. And I experienced this within the span of six months. She experienced it within three months. My heart goes out to that family and to those children who did not deserve to lose their lives. But my heart goes out to her cause I know she didn't wanna do it. I know she didn't wanna do it. And now she has to live with it for the rest of her life.