Break Up Update (how & what I'm doing to survive)

My boyfriend and I broke up so I thought I would do a video about how I've been doing because I literally can't believe how many of us are going through the same situation. I hate and love that for us. The biggest thing going through my head recently is just why? I feel like I'm in the question period kind of like the feeling sorry for myself period. I told you guys like we ended with no bad blood, mutual love and respect. I definitely think being able to villainize or blame someone in a breakup is such a helpful way to cope, but I don't really have that and I don't want to create that either. Another thing I've done is pour into self care. I got a lash lift and tint, I got a brow lamination, I got my hair done. I'm taking care of my skin, I'm doing like literally one to two sheet masks a night. I don't even know if that's productive but it just makes me feel like I'm loving on myself. I kind of talked about this in the breakup video, but one thing I'm doing is really just layering on uncomfortable and sucky things in this chapter where I already feel really sucky. So by the time I'm healed and I come out on the other side, I'm not only healed but an evolved version of myself. One of those things for me is studying for my NCA law exams, which I do have an exam on Tuesday, so studying has been taking up a lot of my time. And then I am also training for this fitness competition. The hardest parts are definitely undoing all of the intertwinedness of our lives. We fully lived together, so that's been really hard and so emotional. Like for example, we went off of our joint phone plan onto our own. And I literally blew my eyes out. My parents have like an aura frame where we can all upload our own photos and he's in like literally every single one. I swear and that also is like a digger. And it's not like I want to wash over those memories with negativity or anything. They're amazing, but I think it's just grieving the future I thought I would have. I definitely fall in the anxious category. I'm a planner through and through. And now that my life plan has been totally derailed, I have anxiety. I'm just so someone who wants to get married and wants to have babies and have a big family and now that who I thought I was going to do that with has stripped away, I'm like, oh my gosh, what if that doesn't happen for me? But I also just think, like, God, it's only you, man. Anyways, I'm going to go and study at a coffee shop with a friend. If you're going through a similar situation, just know I'm sending you all of the love and all of the healing and we will be okay.