The day I couldn't afford my son's diapers.

The day I couldn't afford my son's diapers. My son's diapers ran out and I didn't have money to buy them. This was the first time after separation that I cried so much because of money. I was 5 months pregnant and my elder son was with me and my father was also with me. My father was doing more than his capacity for us. I knew that I had to pay the lawyer's fees tomorrow, which is a lot of money. I didn't have the courage to go to him and say, Dad, this is all finished and I need to bring it. I kept thinking, should I ask him? Should I ask my brother? I couldn't ask. I couldn't ask. What was it that I couldn't ask? Then when they were leaving, her husband went ahead and as she was following, she stopped to say hello. I said, if I don't ask now, it will be a big problem. I stopped her and before I could say anything, I started crying so badly. She got worried because I was pregnant, and asked if I was okay, if there was any problem. She asked what happened. I calmed myself down and said, can you lend me 5000 rupees? As soon as I finished my sentence, she heard it and she also started crying. I think she understood why I was asking for 5000 rupees. I had to do a lot of internal struggle to ask for that money. But I told her, I will definitely return these money to you. But one thing that kept coming to my mind was, will I ever ask for money for my son's diapers, for milk, for his expenses, every time I will beg someone? Will I cry in front of someone every time? It's not wrong to ask, but the pain I felt asking for it, will I go through that pain every time? I don't know where I will get a job from, where I will start working, how much I will earn, will I be able to cover my expenses? That night, I started searching for what skill I can learn that I can earn from home, while taking care of my children. I was just searching and praying to God that God, you have given me very supportive, very loving people around me, but still, God, don't make me dependent on anyone. Don't make me dependent on my children's father, my father, my mother, my sister, my brother-in-law, anyone. Make me dependent only on you. I don't know where I will end up today. I am searching, I am looking, but one thing and one prayer in my heart and mind was certain: my situation had to change. And Alhamdulillah with Allah's help I did.