Post by @carmz_collective

Wow, it’s really been a minute since we’ve gone anywhere like we normally would. The random road trips, packing the car and just getting out of the house… that used to be such a normal part of our life. One thing this past year has taught me is don’t ever let anyone tell you what grief is supposed to look like. For me, grief looked like shutting myself away. Not wanting to go anywhere, see anybody or even look at social media because everything was a reminder. It looked like days in my PJs, locked in my room, lying in bed all day. Some days I hated the world. Everything pissed me off, even the smallest things, because underneath it all I was just hurting so badly. Coming up to nearly a year, grief is still very much present. It just hides differently now. It hides in the busyness of working from home, creating, learning new things and constantly finding something to keep my mind occupied. It’s probably why I somehow ended up with eight fish tanks 😂 because at night when everything gets quiet and my mind starts going back through memories, I’ll clean my tanks, rearrange them or just sit there watching my fish. This has also been the first year in around 20 years that I haven’t travelled anywhere. My last trip was cut short so I could come home, say my goodbyes and bury our King. Something that has now unlocked a fear of travelling that I never had before… the fear of being away if something happens again. Nearly a year later, everything around me continues. Life keeps moving, people keep living, and sometimes I look around and wonder how the world just keeps going when part of mine stopped that day. Some days I’m busy, laughing, creating and getting on with life. Other days something so small can take me straight back there and suddenly I feel completely lost again. So please don’t ever tell someone how long they should grieve. Don’t compare it to what you did or didn’t do. Don’t tell them they should be okay by now. Grief is different for every single person. I’m still learning how to live with mine, and I’m far from having it figured out. I don’t know if you ever really do. Right now I’m just trying to find my way through it, one day at a time, while learning that it’s okay to live, laugh and make new memories while still missing someone with every part of you. ❤️‍🩹 #grief #griefjourney #brokenheart #brokenheart💔 #fyy