Some tips for how to talk to pro-ICE peeps

So my mom used to work for ICE. She actually retired from there a couple years ago. And her whole life she has been like deeply afraid of immigrants, just like really xenophobic. And I've noticed that there's some strategies that work with her and it feels like we're actually making progress forward. And I'm going to share them with you in hopes that hopefully you too can chip away at your friends and family in your life that are also really scared of immigrants and really pro-ICE. So first, some things that don't work. When I talk to her about like statistics and facts of things that are happening, she doesn't really like, it doesn't internalize for her as much. Like I'll say like, did you know most of the people that are getting deported to El Salvador actually aren't criminals? And a lot of them actually are US citizens or they have some sort of residency. They're not here illegally. She just like doesn't believe it, which is crazy, okay? But the thing that does work is when I talk to her about a real life story about somebody that she knows and cares about. So one of my best friends growing up, his mom immigrated here from Mexico legally. She has a green card and my friend is a citizen. So when I use emotion and I talk about how scared I am that his family is going to get deported even though they're all here legally and that he has birthright citizenship, and I show in my face how worried and upset I am, that connects with her. Okay, and not just because I'm feeling upset about it, but because she really likes my friend and his mom. Like we grew up together. She has always really liked his mom because she was a single mom and we're both latchkey kids and she just like identified with her. They both work downtown. It's not like they ever really like hung out, they're not friends, but she likes her. So she starts to feel that emotion that I'm feeling and that makes her like think twice. And sometimes when we have these conversations, it feels like we're taking two steps forward and then three steps back. But I don't actually think that's true. I think that's just like what I'm feeling. Because what happens with her is that she's just afraid. Okay, people who don't like immigrants and who are pro-ICE are just scared. They're scared of a whole lot of different things, most of which are propaganda, right? My dad always said like, oh, immigrants are coming here and taking jobs, like illegal illegal immigrants and he's an engineer. Like bananas thing to actually like logically think through. Some people are scared of just like economic and other opportunities being taken away from them. Some people are scared of like, I don't know, actual gang violence and they think that immigrants coming here are like dangerous. And so whatever the fear is, fear is driving it. So when you bring logic to a fear-based response, people aren't going to react to that very well because they're acting from a place of emotion. I am a hardcore overthinker, okay? Like sometimes I come up with these like wild scenarios in my head that are just like outlandish and really unlikely to happen. Okay, but I feel like they're going to happen. And sometimes I can logic my way out of it, but that's because I've practiced doing that. Okay, like the best way to like get yourself out of that fear-based mindset is to like feel something different. So a lot of affirmations I give myself when I go down that path, or like it's going to be okay, like this is all in your head, stuff like that. You have to meet a feel a feeling with a feeling. So that's why these like logical arguments we make to people who have such different belief systems than us who are responding from a place of fear don't work because it's just it's like apples and oranges. Like I said, I've had these conversations with my mom so many times over the years and especially a lot more in the last year and she still is really xenophobic. Okay, I don't know if that will ever go away. She's a 70-year-old person, okay? We're from Ohio. But I'd like to think that I'm chipping away at that really negative mindset and ideology that she has. And I really do think that like the personal connections and stories and the emotionality are what's going to make a difference in the long run. And like this is legitimately a marathon and not a sprint. So, um, I wish I could just have this conversation once because that feels like logical to me. Like if somebody told me this once, it would just like fucking click. But fear runs so deep and she has been afraid for most of her life, probably like a lot of other boomers in our parents that, you know, we're all thinking about here and who we're having the conversation with. So, I don't know. I hope this helps. Let me know if it does.