The reason why they're ignoring you or trying to act like nothing ever happened is because they can't sit with the shame of what they did. Here's a great majority of people, young and old, that never learned the skills of conflict resolution. So for them, it's easier to kind of sweep things under the rug or sometimes they'll try and flip it on you and make it seem like you're the one who actually did something. Or my least favorite argument is when you tell someone how they've hurt you, and in the middle of that conversation, they say, "Oh, well, I have so many things that I could say about what you've done as well." And yet, they're never able to follow through with an actual concrete example. It's not that somebody doesn't understand how they've hurt you, it's the acknowledging that they've hurt you in their mind allows them to believe that they are a bad person. There's so many ways in which this type of behavior comes about. It could be from childhood, their parents reprimanding them for making a mistake, ostracizing them and making them feel as though a mistake means you are a bad person or a mistake means you're not a good child. An error means you're not a good friend. And so people rebel and reject any sort of narrative that goes along the path of accountability. It's not that somebody doesn't understand how they've hurt you, it's the acknowledging that they've hurt you in their mind allows them to believe that they are a bad person. There's so many ways in which this type of behavior comes about. It could be from childhood, their parents reprimanding them for making a mistake, ostracizing them and making them feel as though a mistake means you are a bad person or a mistake means you're not a good child. An error means you're not a good friend. And so people rebel and reject any sort of narrative that goes along the path of accountability. And you're making them believe that if I make a mistake, the world, my community will destroy me for it. Taking accountability, conflict resolution, it's a muscle. But it's hard to exercise it when there's no safe environment to do so. And for some people, it's not even about safety. They're just hardwired to push away any sort of accountability that requires them to look at themselves in a mirror. And so with those people, you kind of just have to accept that this person is who they are and you get to decide how much proximity you want to allow them. And instead of thinking, wow, these people who have hurt me will never change, it's better to just be grateful that you're willing to. Like, how sad is it to experience life constantly turning your back on yourself? You are making them believe that if I make a mistake, the world, my community will destroy me for it. Taking accountability, conflict resolution, it's a muscle. But it's hard to exercise it when there's no safe environment to do so. And for some people, it's not even about safety. They're just hardwired to push away any sort of accountability that requires them to look at themselves in a mirror. And so with those people, you kind of just have to accept that this person is who they are and you get to decide how much proximity you want to allow them. And instead of thinking, wow, these people who have hurt me will never change, it's better to just be grateful that you're willing to. Like, how sad is it to experience life constantly turning your back on yourself?
