Post by @isthisriehlelife

People often ask if people stare when I eat in public.. and the answer is, well, yes. And not all the time. But I do catch people often times noticing my eating differences. And more often than not, it’s a few glances in my direction. Sometimes it’s a puzzled look or an expression I can’t read. I get it. We’re humans right? We’re naturally drawn to things we don’t understand or our curiosities are written in our expressions. I don’t feel shy or embarrassed by this. I honestly empathize because I wish I could just explain to everyone why I eat the way I do. But this particular interaction did ruffle my feathers. A young woman, no older than 22 was eating with her mom. I sat in a far corner at a table alone. She noticed me when I walked in, as we were the only people in the room. I wore my headphones because I intended to edit content while I had some time to myself. I also decided since it was almost empty that I’d film. As soon as I started eating, I could feel her eyes on me. And not just glances, staring. I tried not to pay it any mind. But as time went on and I realized, she was still watching me I began to first feel shy or awkward. I know I eat differently. And you would think after the first five minutes she would have given it a rest. But no. The staring continued. My feelings went from embarrassed to quite frankly a little frustrated. Did no one ever teach you it’s impolite to stare? Here’s the thing, what she doesn’t see, is every mountain I had to climb to sit in a cafe and eat waffles alone. She didn’t see the mouth sores, the mucus that constantly choked me. She didn’t see days weeks and months of being misunderstood. She didn’t see the feeding tube or the trach or the walker I used. She didn’t see the grief I have, about not being normal in spaces that are already new to me. She didn’t see any of it. But she shouldn’t HAVE to. She shouldn’t need to understand my disability. She simply needed to move on. The first time I filmed myself eating, it was because I was so terrified of eating in front of people knowing they would stare that I decided I was going to take that power back. And I’ve continued to share not only my progress, but my eating in public spaces for a multitude of reasons. I share it so other people like me see that THEY are allowed to be different. I share it so that when someone comes across someone like me in the wild that they might have seen my content and be more empathetic. I share it because I can. To the girl that watched me eat lunch, I hope you see this and get even more time staring at me. I think… I look perfectly normal. I think after everything I’ve been through, I deserve to sit at a table and eat waffles just like you. Love yall. #eatwithme #mukbang #cancersurvivor #tonguecancer #waffles