Leaders… the line that kills defensiveness in under 10 seconds.

Leaders… the line that kills defensiveness in under 10 seconds KILLS DEFENSIVENESS IN UNDER 10 SECONDS. THIS IS THE EXACT MOMENT THAT I COACH A LOT OF MIDDLE MANAGERS THROUGH MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE. SOMEONE GETS FEEDBACK, RIGHT? THEIR FACE CHANGES, Have about 10 seconds before the convo goes sideways ABOUT 10 SECONDS BEFORE THE CONVERSATION GOES SIDEWAYS WHEN I'M COACHING PEOPLE, HERE'S WHAT ALMOST EVERYONE DOES IN THOSE 10 SECONDS. THEY PANIC, THEY BACKPEDAL. NO, NO, NO. FORGET IT. YOU'RE DOING GREAT. I DIDN'T MEAN WHAT I SAID, WHICH FEELS NICE IN THE MOMENT, BUT GUESS WHAT, It solves absolutely nothing IT SOLVES ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, BECAUSE NOW THE STANDARD IS GONE. YOU'RE GOING TO BE HAVING THIS EXACT SAME CONVERSATION. I GUARANTEE YOU THREE WEEKS, THREE MONTHS, SIX MONTHS, IT'S GONNA COME AGAIN. SO HERE'S WHAT I NEED YOU TO SAY INSTEAD. Here's what to say… AND HERE'S WHAT I SAY INSTEAD. YOU HAVE TO SAY, I BELIEVE YOU, AND I CAN SEE YOUR EFFORT. AND EFFORT AND OUTCOME ARE TWO DIFFERENT CONVERSATIONS RIGHT NOW, I NEED US TO CLOSE THE GAP ON OUTCOME. YOU HAVE TO BE PERFORMING BETTER. BREAK THAT DOWN FOR A SECOND. You telling them you're not calling them a liar I BELIEVE YOU. THAT'S YOU TELLING THEM YOU'RE NOT CALLING THEM A LIAR AND WHEN YOU SAY I CAN SEE THE EFFORT, THAT'S YOU ALSO TELLING THEM THAT YOU'RE NOT BLIND TO THE FACT THAT THEY ARE TRYING, WHICH IS VERY IMPORTANT. AND THEN THE TURN. EFFORT AND OUTCOME ARE TWO DIFFERENT CONVERSATIONS. The one line most new leaders miss THAT ONE LINE IS THE THING THAT MOST NEW LEADERS, MANAGERS THAT I WORK WITH THINK IS IMPOSSIBLE. IT LETS YOU BE KIND, BUT IT STILL HOLD THE LINE. YOU'RE NOT CHOOSING BETWEEN TWO ANYMORE. If I'm still getting pushed back IF I'M STILL GETTING PUSHED BACK, HERE'S THE LINE THAT I'LL ADD. AND I'M NOT TRYING TO WIN THE CONVERSATION. I'M JUST TRYING TO MAKE IT CLEAR THAT I'M NOT CAVING HERE. AND I'LL SAY TO THEM AGAIN, I HEAR YOU. I STILL NEED US TO CLOSE THE GAP ON OUTCOME BECAUSE WE HAVE A JOB TO DO AND WE We have a job to do and we HAVE TO MEET A DEADLINE. YOU'RE ALLOWED TO SAY THAT SECOND PART TWICE. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT IF YOU DO. AND I'M MARISSA, YOUR FRIENDLY MILLENNIAL MENTOR HERE ON TIKTOK TRYING TO MAKE THE WORKPLACE SUCK JUST A LITTLE BIT LESS, ESPECIALLY FOR MIDDLE MANAGERS AND NEW MANAGERS OUT THERE. AND I HAND YOU WORDS FOR CONVERSATIONS THAT NOBODY TRAINED YOU FOR. Follow and save this for the next time somebody gets defensive SO SAVE THIS THE NEXT TIME SOMEBODY GETS DEFENSIVE, BECAUSE I KNOW YOU'RE GONNA NEED