Post by @nightflightseverywhere

There’s a point where constantly asking someone to create boundaries with other people becomes more exhausting than whatever originally made you uncomfortable. You don’t want to feel like somebody’s mother telling them who they can and can’t talk to. You don’t want to repeatedly say, “That girl clearly likes you,” explain why certain conversations feel inappropriate, or practically write the boundaries for them. You want to know that the person you’re with cares enough about protecting the relationship to recognize certain situations on their own. Because there’s something completely different about someone cutting off inappropriate attention because you demanded it versus them thinking, “I know exactly how I’d feel if somebody treated my partner this way, and I’m not going to entertain this.” Obviously, simply feeling jealous or uncomfortable doesn’t automatically mean your partner should block anyone you ask them to. Healthy relationships still require trust, communication, reasonable boundaries, and friendships outside of each other. Sometimes insecurity is something you have to work through rather than something your partner needs to eliminate for you. But when another person’s intentions are obviously disrespectful, they’ve crossed boundaries, or your partner is knowingly entertaining attention that threatens the relationship, you shouldn’t have to repeatedly beg for basic consideration. I don’t want loyalty that exists because I supervise it. I want someone who understands what we’re protecting and behaves accordingly even when I’m nowhere around. So I’m done trying to manage your relationships for you. I’ll tell you honestly when something hurts me, but after that, what you choose to do with that information tells me everything I need to know. I don’t want to force you to choose me. I want to see whether protecting us is something you would’ve chosen without being forced.