GNOMES ARE REAL

Gnomes are real. Gnomes are real elves. Fairies are real. And scientists may have found a mushroom that lets us see them. It's called Lanmoa asiatica. And when people eat it, they don't just see shapes. They don't just see colors. They see hundreds of tiny fucking guys. Tiny clowns, fairies, elves, gnomes, and miniature people running across tables, climbing furniture, and apparently going about their tiny little business. Scientists called these Lilliputian hallucination, which is the clinical term for being surrounded by a miniature traveling circus. Originally, scientists blamed the hallucinations on cultural suggestion. People had heard stories about seeing little people, so naturally they saw little people. Case closed. Except then, the same thing started happening in Papua New Guinea and the Philippines. Different cultures, different folklore, same little guys. Scientists DNA tested mushrooms from China and the Philippines. Same species, Lanmoa asiatica. Then they search for psilocybin. Nothing. They search for other known psychoactive compounds. Nothing. Which means there may be an unidentified chemical on this planet whose specific job is to make human beings see gnomes. And nobody knows what it is or why our brains apparently have a hidden little guy setting. So maybe these mushrooms let us peer through the veil. Maybe the chemical doesn't cause us to see gnomes. Maybe it allows us to see them. But I have one question: If two people eat these mushrooms together, do they see different little guys? Or do they both the same tiny man climbing the lamp? Because if they see the same guy, we have a much bigger fucking problem.