I was in a relationship for 12 years

I was in a relationship for 12 years and that and that breakup lasted for an and during that year I really wanted to and I was and I was the one who ended the relationship but then like during that year long breakup he started hooking up with other people and then that made me feel like I need to I need to be with you during the year long breakup where we weren't together but he was saying he wanted to be still still the hooking up other people it doesn't matter one it doesn't matter one night he came over to I was living in like floor to ceiling like floor to ceiling windows brand new bunch like it was a originally originally had moved into that apartment like two weeks after I broke and I had moved into one bedroom and I realised how fucking sad and depressed I was so I broke my lease and told my sister to move and we got and we got a two bedroom two bathroom apartment in the building she was 20 she was 20 about to turn 21 she was like just she was like just I can't afford to like this is a very I'm like a i can't afford I was like it doesn't matter I just got like my first big girl job as an attorney i need companionship i need companionship I will pay for the vast majority so so I was paying like so I was paying like 30 that was like 4,000 and I was paying like 36 hundred a month in and then she could she would pay she would pay some of it my parents would pay anyway anyway this guy is at my apartment one and we're on so so sad every time he i'm so so because I'm like I want kind kind of felt like he was like toying with me in that like he knew I wanted him and he knew that he had and whatever it doesn't matter the building that I lived in was like eight stories I lived on the top floor and downtown and downtown there are apartment buildings that are 40 stories and we're on my and we're on my balcony and I have a view of one of 40 stories high 40 stories high apartment buildings beautiful beautiful building and he why didn't you move into that building and I was like and I was like oh cause it's like he was if you were gonna like make a statement by moving to downtown the whole floor the whole floor to ceiling window why wouldn't you just pick the nice and I was like i think my apartment's he was i mean it's fine but like you didn't want the nice one mind you at he was sleeping on a fucking couch and he was that building is and he was talking about it like he knew and I was like have you and I was like have you been in that building before and he was like i'm just saying it's a nice and I was like and I was like okay but still but still i still cried when he left that night cause i was begging him and he was like no i gotta go and I knew he i gotta go and I knew he was probably gonna go meet up with another girl fast turns out turns out that the girl that he was seen lived in that apartment building found out about that later on found out about that later on when I stalked his instagram and on my birthday when he was at her place and I could tell he was at her place and I could tell that he was at he knew he knew in his mind that he was saying to some extent to some extent she was better than me but i but i didn't know that that's all I knew is he was just shitting on my apartment i didn't understand why i thought about that right now because i drove by because i drove by the buildings today you live and you learn