Indian men have such a complicated relationship to their masculinity,

Indian men have such a complicated relationship to their masculinity, and the way that we're portrayed in media doesn't help. And I'm saying this as a Indian man, obviously, but I'm also an actor. I've been a working actor for the past 12 years. You may know me from my work on The Morning Show on Apple TV, which I've recurred on for the past few seasons. Um, but I was born in South Africa, and, um, there's five generations of my family there. My ancestors were brought to South Africa from India as slaves. And, um, me and my parents immigrated to Southern California when I was a kid. And I grew up in Irvine, California, which was the safest city in America when I was growing up, and it was a predominantly white environment. And so throughout my life, my own grappling with my masculinity has been at the forefront. Because when you're in a predominantly white environment, you look at the other boys or, you know, you're growing up teenagers, and you're like, well, their physique doesn't represent my physique. And the things that they. They're able to do and project through their masculinity, like, that doesn't feel right for me. And, you know, I'm into, like, you know, these white girls, and they're not into me. And is it because of how I look? Like what? You know? And I'm trying to figure out my own identity and stumble through it all. And I will say that, like, a lot of Indian men grapple with confidence and, uh, you know, insecurity and that sort of thing. Not that I don't have insecurities, but I. If I'm being honest, like, my. I've been a pretty confident person for the majority of my life. I think that that's what's allowed me to sustain this ridiculous life that I live as a. As an actor, um, is that I've just always believed in myself, and so I've been able to, like, talk to women and. And have girlfriends of different races and backgrounds and stuff like that throughout my life. My wife is Italian American, and, um, you know, I. I've never really had a challenge with that. But the way that other Indian men often deal with that results in a projection a lot of times of their masculinity. And I learnt that when I went to college at NYU. That's where I studied acting. Um, that's where I met my wife. Um, but all of a sudden, like, I was around so many different brown people, um, you know, Indian, Indian guys, Indian girls. If you. If you went to NYU, you know exactly what I'm talking about. There's a term for it. It's even called brown town. And you see this, like, you know, projection of masculinity amongst a large group of brown men. And the way that they treat each other, the way that they treat women, that. That they're You know, trying to get with or whatever it is. It's like I was really in shock when I was in that environment and I think that like, of course, I've had judgements towards that, but. But the more that I've sat with it over the years and really thought about why brown men and Indian men really grapple with this is because, like, we're not taught, we're not taught how to, uh, um, optimally deal with our masculinity and, and how that projects onto the world around us and the people around us. And so you have Indian men like, and brown men like, going through the world and they have no idea where they fit in and how to project it and, and what's authentic to them. And. And I'm not saying I have the solution, not at all. But as an actor, very much involved in playing roles and auditioning for roles. For my 12 year career I auditioned for so many Indian characters and almost 99% of the time the characters are written as insecure, weak, you know, don't know how to talk to women, nerdy, um, all stereotypical to this day. And I've fortunately or unfortunately, like those roles have never really come been things that I booked and, or things that I've worked on because I don't really fit that mould. That's not my essence, honestly. And I'm really grateful for that. Um, but like, think about it like If you're a brown man and Indian man and you look at, like, TV. And film and you're like, hmm. Where do I see myself? You're seeing characters projected back to you. Say, like, no, you are weak. You. You don't have confidence. You are nerdy, or whatever that may be. And I just think that, like, it's so complicated, and I don't. Again, I don't have a solution here. But I do think that it's important that we point this out and talk about it.