Like I’m so tired and I feel like nothing is working.

Like I’m so tired and I feel like nothing is working. Like yesterday should have been a big day for me. Like I reached 39,000 followers, which is like so many people. I signed my first ever brand deal, which is like honestly a blessing and like needed. But like I couldn't get excited because I still don't feel like stable. Because all I can think about is like how can I earn enough to afford living somewhere that's not my childhood home. Like I literally have been up since 4 in the morning panicking, so like how the heck am I going to make money? And it's hard because also it feels like I'm competing against AI platforms and AI tools that are like screen out resumes that are allegedly biased against women and black people and Latino's and all of the above. And I have to deal with this Gen Z bias because everyone thinks that we're lazy. And then on top of that, I also have to compete with influencers for work. Because being in the media world, it's not even like it's not enough to have experience. Now you have to have your own built-in audience. Like the amount of shows I've pitched, I've flown to LA, met with network executives, sat across, pitched, pitched web shows, and I know y'all don't watch TV like that anymore. The barrier going from needing experience and then going from that to moving to you need a quarter of a million followers minimum. It's extremely discouraging. Because it's like, okay, I can't work in my field because I don't have a built-in audience of a quarter of a million followers or the jobs that would hire me in my field don't pay me a livable wage. And I've never once earned enough to afford a studio apartment. And I'm 27. I am pushing 30 years old. And I've never earned enough to afford a studio apartment. And it's like, I should be so excited that I have 39,000 followers. That's so many people. But then you have meetings with executives, like, what's a quarter of a million? So you can't work. Like I pitched the show, I did all the background work, I secured a list talent for guests, but like you don't have a quarter of a million followers, we're not gonna look at it. Or, oh, you're black and Gen Z, you're probably lazy, I'm not gonna hire you. And it's just like, I would love to stop taking Ls that are systemic. And I just feel like what was the point of working hard? Like I worked so hard in high school to get into Sarah Lawrence. And I worked so hard in Sarah Lawrence to get a job. And then I worked so hard in my industry to like prove myself. Only for it not to really matter because I don't have a quarter of a million followers.