Things my humans do that make no sense to a house hippo 😳

Things my humans do that make no sense to a house hippo. They'll stare at a tiny glowing rectangle for 3 hours straight. Then tell me I need to go outside and touch some grass. They call me a spoiled brat as if they're not the ones who created this monster. Of course I'm going to expect king treatment. They tell me I have stinky breath, then proceed to kiss me on the face for 10 minutes straight. They buy me squeaky toys, then have the audacity to tell me enough with the squeaking. They literally purchased the noise. They make me eat from a slow feeder bowl so I don't eat too fast. Meanwhile, I watch them put down a cheeseburger like it's the last one they'll ever see. Follow me for more human observation, because clearly someone needs to keep an eye on these strange creatures.