dealing with my VERY opinionated 6 year old girl getting dressed for school

@cassiemomcoach

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SoundTikTok sound · original sound - cassiemomcoach

Why it worked

The video resonated by reframing common parenting struggles, offering a compassionate and insightful approach to understanding children's behavior rather than just reacting to it. The creator's personal connection and the practical, actionable advice provided a relatable and valuable perspective.

Summary

The video discusses how to interpret a child's difficult behavior, particularly during morning routines, by looking beyond the surface-level defiance to understand the underlying emotional needs or skills that need development. It suggests that instead of resorting to punishments, parents should teach children to express their feelings and needs directly.

Structure

1Introduction to the problem of an opinionated child resisting getting dressed
2The core question: What is the behavior communicating?
3Relating the child's behavior to adult struggles with self-perception and overwhelm
4The solution: Shifting focus from surface behavior to underlying needs
5Teaching children to express their feelings and needs directly

On-screen text

STITCH INCOMING Behavior is communication a more strong willed or emotional the question i consistently ask yourself is, WHAT IS THIS BEHAVIOR TELLING ME? SKILL NEEDS TO BE DEVELOPED HERE IN THIS PARTICULAR SCENARIO? THIS AS A MOM WHO MY OLDEST IS VERY SIMILAR TO AMANDA'S LITTLEST ONE. VERY STRONG WILLED, VERY EMOTIONAL, VERY OPINIONATED, AND TENDS TO HAVE A LOT OF A LOT OF THINGS. THE THING THAT MYSELF WHEN I WAS WATCHING THIS VIDEO WAS, WHAT IS ACTUALLY UNDERNEATH THIS BEHAVIOUR? BECAUSE IT'S PROBABLY NOT JUST GETTING DRESSED IN THE MORNING, RIGHT? IF YOU'RE HAVING GETTING DRESSED IN IT'S NOT JUST BECAUSE YOU SUDDENLY DON'T KNOW HOW IT'S BECAUSE YOU ABOUT YOURSELF, LOVING ALL YOUR CLOTHES, OR YOU'RE FEELING OVERWHELMED ABOUT THE DAY, OR THERE'S TOO YOUR BRAIN, STRESSED OUT, SOMETHING UNDERNEATH OF IT. LUDIAL PHASE, LIKE EVERYTHING YOU'RE PUTTING ON MAKES YOU UGLY. OKAY? AND SO THIS WANT YOU TO YOUR LITTLE KIDS BEHAVIOR. GOD. THEY'RE BEING SO THEY'RE ALWAYS THROWING THESE MASSIVE MELTDOWNS AND TANTRUMS ABOUT EVERYTHING. WHY CAN'T THEY JUST BE EASY? BUT WHAT'S UNDERNEATH OF THAT? I ACTUALLY LOVE AT THE END WAS THAT THEY STARTED A SYSTEM GOING TO CHOOSE THE OUTFITS THE OR EVEN FOR THE WHOLE WEEK, AND THAT WAS THE OUTFIT. THE MORNING HER DAUGHTER DIDN'T LIKE THERE WAS, LIKE, A PLAIN, BASIC WERE GONNA PUT ON, REMOVING THAT EXTRA OVERWHELM AND STRESS FROM THE MORNING TIMES. LITTLE ONE IS FEELING OVERWHELMED, STRESS, A LITTLE EXTRA DYSREGULATED ABOUT GOING TO SCHOOL OR DOING XYRACY. THIS IS WHEN START TO SHIFT BEHAVIOR AND FOCUS ON WE NEED TO HOW CAN WE TEACH THEM TO EXPRESS TO US? HEY, MOM, I'M FEELING OVERWHELMED. OR, HEY, MOM, I'M FEELING JUST ABOUT LEAVING. OR, MOM, A DEEP BREATH AND A HUG BEFORE I GET MISS YOU TODAY. START TO SEE THE TRICKY BEHAVIORS DECREASE SO MUCH FASTER BECAUSE WE'RE GETTING TO THE ACTUAL INSTEAD OF JUST TREATING THE SURFACE LEVEL WITH MORE PUNISHMENTS, CONSEQUENCES, THREATS, ETC.

Original caption

Seeing the behavior for what it’s communicating vs just punishing it on the surface. 👏🏼 Original from @Amanda | Money & Motherhood ! #parentinglittles #emotionalregulation #raisinglittles #motherhoodunfiltered #consciousparenting

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Transcript

She still has to go to school. So I said, I understand that you're not loving your look, but like, we do have to go to school. So let's pick something that we feel comfortable in and let's go to school. She was not having that, not happy, throwing a fit, throwing a tantrum and I'm like, my friend, we're not doing this. So I found a solution. When you have a more strong willed or emotional little kid, the question I consistently ask yourself is, what is this behavior telling me? What need or skill needs to be developed here in this particular scenario? And I'm saying this as a mom who my oldest is very similar to Amanda's littlest one. Very strong willed, very emotional, very opinionated, and tends to have a lot of, a lot of things. The thing that I thought to myself when I was watching this video was, what is actually underneath this behavior? Because it's probably not just getting dressed in the morning, right? If you're having, getting dressed in, it's not just because you suddenly don't know how. It's because you don't feel good about yourself, loving all your clothes, or you're feeling overwhelmed about the day, or there's too much on your brain, stressed out, there's always something underneath of it. You're in your ludial phase, like everything you're putting on makes you ugly. Okay? And so this want you to your little kids behavior. God, they're being so, they're always throwing these massive meltdowns and tantrums about everything. Why can't they just be easy? But what's underneath of that? And that's why I actually love what she said at the end of her video was that they started a system, going to choose the outfits the or even for the whole week, and that was the outfit. The morning her daughter didn't like, there was, like, a plain, basic one were gonna put on, removing that extra overwhelm and stress from the morning times. Little one is feeling overwhelmed, stress, a little extra dysregulated about going to school or doing X, Y, Z. This is when we start to shift behavior and focus on, we need to, how can we teach them to express to us? Hey, mom, I'm feeling overwhelmed. Or, hey, mom, I'm feeling just sad about leaving. Or, mom, I just need a deep breath and a hug before I get to school because I'm gonna miss you today. That's when we start to see the tricky behaviors decrease so much faster because we're getting to the actual instead of just treating the surface level with more punishments, consequences, threats, etc.