look most people don't even know about

look most people don't even know about or how to apply the most powerful method of controlling toxic people or toxic situations in the workplace this is something that I've actually used for decades I call it the Ledger method and it centers around controlling emotions and then attacking the situation you never attack the person words matter the words one chooses matters even more and when framed properly controlling toxic situations controlling toxic people becomes second nature this is not something that you are going to perfect overnight but it can be perfected over time it requires awareness and control and there are six very calculated moves one when someone is talking when someone's being toxic or attacking you let them finish because the room needs to hear every word that they say two you're going to evaluate look at what actually happened because you're going to have to separate what happened from how it actually made you feel and this is the hardest one three detach you have to eliminate your ego like I said it's the hardest for most because it requires separating yourself from your emotions you cannot allow your emotions to take over because if you do you're going to lose four you gauge the room because who is it watching changes what you say five expose now this is where you say the one thing that makes their own behavior visible to everyone in the room even themselves then you're going to finish this is where you are going to take control of what actually happens next now let me show you how this looks or how it works with something that I faced many years ago I was sitting in front of three executives and there was also a guy in the room that I worked with and this guy had been quietly cutting me out for months I was cut off of emails he was scheduling meetings around me and in front of everyone he had the audacity to smile and say well I've had to redo this guy's work twice this past quarter and then he added on top of that he wasn't sure if I was ready for this level now remember in front of the people that decided my entire career at the time and I remember it like it was yesterday and even though I was essentially in the middle of a hostile situation my face my expressions they never moved or changed what did I do I just sat there I let him finish every damn word and then I said I want to get this right so let's look at both of those I was taken off the distribution list on let's say March 3rd I have two emails where I asked to be added back and I'm more than happy to share those with everyone in the room because neither one of those was ever answered so if I am being evaluated on work I was blocked from seeing I would like to know who made that call now the room was quiet for several seconds then all three of the upper execs turned and looked over at him I never raised my voice I never called him a liar I put the dates on the table and I allowed the room to absorb that information and he then spent the rest of that meeting explaining himself so that is the Ledger method you keep the record and the record does the work