being a sibling to a m*rderer is so weird

being a sibling to a m*rderer is so weird. Cause I completely understand the family's pain and why they never want to see my little brother get out. Cause he was 18 years old when he did it and he was still technically in high school. And he tells me sometimes like how you know like he's trying and he's changed and he wants to get out and all that. And the other part of me is like we weren't raised like that but we weren't raised at all. Like no one raised us. And that's why we are the way we are I guess. Like my sister took on life, my mom took on life, none of us had dads, like we're all half siblings and none of us had our dad. But I'm like that's not an excuse to take someone's life. And it's just like I love him at the same time and it's such a weird feeling because I love my little brother and I want him to get better and him talking to me he tells me that keeps him on the right track you know he has someone to reach out to and talk to and I love him. But the other part of me is like why did you do that? Why? Like you can never take that back. And I don't know anyone else whose like little brother did that and I would keep that like to myself. Like when people ask about my siblings I just say yeah I got a little brother. Um every now and then I'll say he's locked up but when they ask what he did I'm like he murdered somebody. Uh huh, yep, he murdered them. Um but I'm like damn, like it's such a weird thing, it's such a weird feeling.