THE BIGGEST THREAT TO YOUR MARRIAGE IS YOU

People always hear me saying, marriage without God becomes ego versus ego. And I think people think I'm just talking about religion. I'm not. I'm talking about human nature. Because when there's nothing higher than your own feelings, your feelings become the authority. So every disagreement becomes, well, this is how I feel. Why should I apologize first? Why should I compromise? Why should I be the first? Why should I be the bigger person? Slowly, the relationship becomes two people protecting their own ego instead of protecting the marriage. Because pride always feels justified when you only answer to yourself. Unfortunately, something that nobody wants to hear is marriage requires death of self constantly. Not abuse, not silence, not tolerating disrespect, but sacrifice, humility, restraint, forgiveness, accountability. And most people are not trained for that anymore. We live in a culture that teaches, protect your peace, cut people off. Never settle, never let anyone humble you. Put yourself first. But marriage cannot survive long term when people are obsessed with self-preservation. At some point, you have to soften. You have to de-escalate. You have to choose peace over pride. And faith helps with that because it constantly reminds you you are not the centre of the universe. You answer to something higher than your emotions in that moment. That changes how you argue, how you forgive, how you speak, how you handle anger, temptation, disappointment. I didn't understand this before marriage. Not fully, anyway. The prep you have to do for it made me do a lot of real work on myself. Made me ask myself the questions that you have to have the ugly answers and not hide from them. Learn from them. Because the quickest way to destroy your relationship is to worship your own feelings. Don't get it twisted. I catch myself doing this sometimes. Anxiety about the future makes me controlling. Sometimes greed makes me ungrateful. Sometimes I expect too much. Sometimes I become less empathetic, less patient, sometimes even rude. Sometimes it lasts a few hours, sometimes a couple of days. But the second I catch myself, I'm embarrassed because I have to ask myself, what am I becoming? What type of life am I creating if ego is leading me? And then I recenter myself. I remember what actually matters. What gives my life meaning. What kind of marriage I actually want to build. Because when you're younger, you think love is the glue. Long marriages are not held together by perfect emotions. They're held together by discipline, humility, forgiveness, shared values. And two people choosing the marriage over their pride. That's probably why 13 years in, I still get butterflies when my husband calls me.