Post by @narcissisticpartners

Hi, it's Juliana! I hope this brings you some peace. If you got attacked by a grizzly bear, would you take it personally? Like, say you accidentally got between a mother bear and her cubs. It would be unbelievably painful, but would you start thinking things like: “What is it about me that made her attack me?” “Was I not good enough?” “Would she have treated someone else differently?” “What could I have done to make her like me?” Probably not, right? Because you understand that's just what momma bears do. They don't know how to respond a different way. Well, that's kind of what's going on here. Generally speaking, narcissistic partners are external regulators. What do I mean? You know how you can regulate your emotions internally? With things like: Taking deep breaths. Going for a drive. Getting some exercise. Many narcissistic partners struggle with this. So they often try to regulate what they're feeling through other people. Said differently: They take what they're feeling out on you to feel better about themselves. That's what you're seeing here. They're hurting, but they don't know how to process that hurt. So they try to pass it on to you by making you hurt too. I'm not saying it's okay. I'm not saying it's acceptable. But I used that bear analogy because I'd like you to see that it's just part of their nature. There isn't something specific about you that made them do that. It's not that you're not good enough. They 100% will treat others the same way. There isn't anything you could have done to stop that from happening. It's just their nature. When they're hurting, they try to make sure you're hurting. It isn't personal. It's just how they're wired. I know this won’t make it hurt any less. But I hope it helps make the time it sticks with you a lot shorter. If you need someone to talk to about all of this, you can always send me a DM or schedule a session with me. My team and I help people heal from narcissistic abuse, and many of us have experienced it ourselves, so we're here if you need us. To your healing, Juliana ❤️‍🩹